I decided to take a big step and finally create a website with all my random short stories on it, where others could read my fan fics, but not edit them, and send me emails as comments, but nothing else. I found someone who could create and maintain the website, uploading new stories when I needed to add more, then I found an amazing artist who was able to add a few illustrations to each of my stories, and I was set.

At first, I didn’t even think anyone was reading them, since it’s a mix of random fan fics, with some well-known famous people (BTS) and some fictional characters like werewolves and vampires. Then I started getting random emails from people asking for more parts of the stories I had started- they were upset the endings never appeared. Well, it turns out, fan fics are very popular and suddenly I was overwhelmed with the number of emails I was receiving, not all positive, but I ignored most of them and continued to add content, just writing for fun.

I got a few emails from managers, asking if I wanted to meet their clients, but I declined- I was not interested in being famous myself- I just like writing about meeting celebrities and living a normal life. Then a few managers asked if I would meet if they somehow found a way to keep me anonymous, which is exactly what I wanted, so I responded to those, still not believing it wasn’t scammers. Well, since my website had now gone viral, more and more managers began contacting me, so I had to have my website manager create a special way to filter out the legit emails vs the scams because I was becoming even more stressed about the amount I was receiving daily.

I was hoping I could be my own manager, so I scheduled only radio or zoom interviews at first, always using a mask, sunglasses, and wearing a hat or hoodie, never exposing any of my face and always having a voice changer on, which didn’t bother them apparently because they kept asking for interviews. I was so tired of repeating the same answers that I began making up super funny responses when I got bored, which confused them and made their reporters laugh, which gained me even more viewers somehow, even though I was literally joking the whole time.

Finally, after three weeks, one of the managers got my phone number somehow and called me directly. I answered, assuming it was a scam, since the lady said she was one of the managers for BTS. I did not believe her and told her I didn’t do anything in person, so I can keep my identity a secret because I actually have a normal job and life to live and didn’t want to risk it all for just one fake interview. She was clearly struggling to convince me, so I heard a male voice in the background asking questions and then suddenly he was talking to me. “Hello, my name is Kim Nam Joon from BTS and this is really our manager. You can call me Joon. Please arrange a flight so you can come to meet us,” he said calmly.

I laughed and said, “Hello Joon. I appreciate your effort, but there is no way I’m flying down to California just for a scam of someone who wants to find out who I really am and ruin my actual life. I apologize for wasting your time.” He made a frustrated sound and replied, “You have an iPhone, right?!” I said yes, then he immediately told me to Facetime him… Well, I’m not great with technology, so I had to let him know I didn’t actually know how, which made him laugh and then realize that’s why I’m a writer and not the website designer. He said something to the staff member whose phone he was using, then I suddenly had a facetime video coming through, so I answered, but did not turn on my camera.

Joon’s face appeared immediately, clearly showing he was, in fact, the correct person he claimed to be, and he told me, “Is this enough proof for you? Should I go get the other members as well? Please can you just come down here to meet us? We actually like your stories and want to tell you in person!” I did a nervous laugh, then replied, “Joon, are you telling me that you guys actually read what I wrote?!” He nodded and said, “Of course! I especially liked them because you have a great way of expressing emotions in writing with details only a fellow writer would understand. I also write and I appreciate your talents more than the others because I know you put your heart and soul into your work.”

I was so glad he couldn’t see my face because I was blushing and took a deep breath before I could answer, “Wait- if I fly down there, how will I keep my identity a secret? Everything you guys do is always followed and tracked by a million people, so of course I would be in the photos as well. I do not want that.” He frowned and clenched his jaw, thinking of possible solutions, then he spoke to the staff member and responded to me, “If you fly down here, you can wear a disguise and we won’t meet you until you arrive at our house, then nobody will know you are meeting with us and you can stay hidden.”

I sighed, not loving the plan, but also not having any valid reasons to dispute it. “I’m just not sure what I would do once I meet you guys. Why would I need to visit you? Couldn’t we just do a video call like this, and you guys could talk to me, but then my purpose would be over? Or is there another reason you want me to travel Joon?” I questioned. He ran his fingers through his hair, gave me a sideways grin, then replied, “Ah, you are very smart. Yes, there is another motive for your visit that I was going to have the staff tell you about, but since you already figured it out, I will just tell you myself. We are hoping you can help us write the English lyrics for a few of our upcoming songs. I know we can have them translated by anyone, but we really think your writing talents will help us express ourselves more clearly. Does that make sense?”

I took another deep breath and pinched my arm- yep, I was awake, and it was real. “So you want me to fly to California, meet all seven of you guys in secret, help you write lyrics for your new songs, and then disappear back into nothingness?” I asked. He laughed, then replied, “Yes, I guess that is what it would seem like.” I knew I was just being dramatic, but it seemed like a lot of effort for something that didn’t need to be so complicated. “Forgive me for being so annoying Joon, but I’m curious why we can’t do that over video calls? I don’t need to be in person to work on lyrics and I definitely don’t need to be in person to translate songs, so what is the real reason I need to see you guys in person?” I asked, this time, being a little sassy, since I was honestly just not wanting to waste a trip and risk being exposed.

He sensed my hesitation and replied, “Honestly, I just want to meet you to see what type of person can write such creative and realistic stories using just their imagination. The other members went along with my request because they want to make a great album, and we know you are the missing piece we need. I just feel that seeing someone’s face and watching their body language in person tells a lot more than any video can. I hope that is enough to convince you.” I was absolutely shocked, but luckily, he couldn’t see my face, so I managed to whisper, “Yes, ok, I agree with you and will fly down to meet you. But Joon, you have to promise to help me stay hidden, no matter what, ok?” He laughed so hard he shook the phone, and it dropped, which didn’t surprise me, but when he picked it back up he was still smiling, so I figured everything would be ok.

The poor staff member just stood around, waiting for her phone back, so she could arrange the travel details, but Joon insisted on continuing to talk to me, so I decided I would carry on with my usual activities and just bring him with me. I folded some laundry, cooked lunch, which he was fascinated by because I had turned on my camera, so he could watch me cook. His laughter made me happy, so I was making silly jokes and voices while prepping food, just to hear his responses. I guess the other members had heard him laughing and wanted to know what was happening, so then the phone was passed around to random guys, each one confused about why my video showed peppers, or onions, or beef being chopped… Only Joon understood and even though he tried to explain, they were so loud or just being silly that they didn’t hear/care and soon bored of the video and left him alone again- thank goodness!

Joon checked to see if I was still even on the call anymore, which I was, but I was laughing so hard from all of their shenanigans I could not breathe and was literally gasping for air when he tried to check on me. “JJ, they finally left! Are you still there? I’m sorry about that- nobody can understand privacy around here!” I could not answer yet, but he heard my laughter and smiled, then said, “Since you are laughing at them now, I think you will fit in perfectly when you arrive to visit us because they act like this all the time!” I continued laughing for several more minutes, then I was finally able to calm down enough to respond, “Joon, I do not know what they are eating or drinking over there, but seriously, they are crazy! How do you even do anything halfway serious with all of them saying such random things and making such weird noises all the time??” He laughed and shrugged his shoulders, then put his hand on his forehead and said, “Well, that is a good question, but I do not have an answer. Maybe you can tell me when you get here and help me?” I giggled and replied, “Ok Joon, I’ll do my best!”

We continued talking for about another hour, then the phone was almost dead, and he reluctantly had to give it back to the staff member, who was relieved because she literally just wanted to do her job and move on with her life. I finalized the details with her, so she could write up the contract and send it to me to review and sign, which was apparently how they did everything, for the protection of all BTS members. I read her email as soon as it arrived, but it wasn’t crazy- just the normal expectations of not posting any photos, not doing anything without their permission, not bringing anyone else along, etc. Since I was planning to remain anonymous myself, I loved having all the protections in place and thought it was well planned. I would be picked up by a random staff member at the airport, driven to their house, then stay with them in an extra bedroom used for visiting staff, and brought back to the airport at the end of the week by another staff member.

No BTS members would be involved at all, which I appreciated, so nobody would notice me. So far, since I used an alias as my author’s name online, nobody had figured out who I actually was, and I planned to keep it that was for as long as possible. I looked over the other details, such as travel dates, expenses, compensation, etc. and was shocked to find out they wanted to pay me to visit them- I had not expected anything in return, other than the fun of hanging out with the members themselves.

I took a few hours to review everything and add a few items that they overlooked, then sent her my revised version and waited for them to approve it, which they did quickly. Soon, I received the flight confirmation and saw I was flying out the next week, on the exact date I said I would be available to leave- guess they didn’t want to waste any time! I focused on my writing in the meantime, working on my new ideas that somehow just popped into my head. Before I knew it, the day of travel had arrived, and I was at the airport in my home state. After I was checked in, waiting at the gate, I texted the staff member to let her know I was good to go and would be boarding soon. Then I got a lot of texts in a row from her, which I thought was odd, but then I realized Joon had taken her phone again, so I laughed and tried to read everything he was sending so I could reply.

We chatted for the next hour while I waited to board and when it was my turn, I suddenly realized I was not flying where I normally do- they had chosen a seat in business class for me without me even realizing or asking for it! I was so surprised I immediately sent a thank you text to Joon, but told him to show the staff member, so she would know I appreciated her gesture. Apparently, it’s standard procedure for all visiting people and members, so she didn’t see the big deal, but I was still beyond grateful and excited! I shut off my phone during the flight and soon was in the air- it was only a two and a half hour flight, but it felt like five minutes and I was landing. I was officially starting to get nervous but didn’t have time to panic because I knew someone would be waiting for me by the baggage claim area and I didn’t want to waste their time or seem rude. I quickly stopped in the bathroom and changed into a cuter outfit, something more suited for meeting BTS in California, then made sure my face mask was on, with my sunglasses, and a large bucket hat, so my entire head was covered now.

I looked completely different from the girl who had entered the bathroom, which made me certain that nobody would ever notice me or realize who I really was, and this gave me confidence as I quickly walked down the hallway towards the baggage claim area. I saw the suitcases already arriving, so I waited for mine, a purple glitter one, then stepped forward to grab it, but was shocked when a giant man wearing all black reached it for me, then set it in front of me, saying, “I believe this belongs to you.” Then, he slid down the sunglasses he was wearing and winked right at me, which confused and surprised me, since I was not expecting any staff members to do everything for me. I was extremely suspicious when I stepped back and saw this person’s face, black mask, black baseball hat, black clothing and a large black jacket over it all, even though it was hot weather outside… Something seemed off, but I obviously didn’t want to cause a scene in the airport, so I followed him when he motioned for me to go to the right, where someone was standing with a sign saying my fake name on it.

I waved and pointed to myself, then the sign, so they led me down a hallway, towards the elevator for the parking garage I assumed. The suspicious dressed-all-in-black man followed me closely, constantly looking around and behind us, which made me even more nervous, and when I heard a loud noise, the sound of someone dropping a suitcase or something, I jumped, then reached for his hand instinctively. He looked down and saw how scared my eyes were when my sunglasses started to slip off my nose, so he squeezed my hand, pushed my sunglasses back up, and told me, “Don’t worry- I will protect you.” I nodded, not even sure who he was, but also somehow trusting that he could keep me safe.

We followed the staff member with the sign to the elevator, then the mysterious stranger took my suitcase and wheeled it next to his left side, keeping a firm hold of me with his right hand, as he guided me inside the elevator, but behind his body, hiding me from anyone else who entered. I was worried about a lot of things at this point, my anxiety was beginning to take over, so I leaned my head on his tall back, hoping his presence would help me calm down a bit while I took several deep breaths.

I faced the wall, where I knew nobody could see my face and focused on things to help my heart from beating right out of my chest. The lights of the elevator floors lighting up, the shiny silver railing, the ceiling tiles, the pattern of the floor tiles, the textured material on the walls… I reached out to hesitantly touch the wall closest to me, since it was some sort of carpet-like material, which fascinated me. I ran my fingers across the scratchy surface a few times, which actually really helped, then discovered the color changed when the material was rubbed the opposite way, so I focused on drawing small designs in the wall as the elevator continued taking us higher and higher for what seemed like forever. I didn’t know it at the time, but the mystery man had seen me reach for the wall and was watching me draw, while still leaning on his back and holding his hand, curious about what I was doing, unsure of why I would attempt such a thing in a crowded elevator.

Finally, our floor was reached and the first staff member led us out, followed by the mystery man, who pulled me out after himself, then moved next to me once we were in the open parking garage area. Neither one stopped for a while, so I blindly followed, being pulled along still, not even knowing which vehicle we were looking for or how long it would take, since neither one of them had spoken to me yet. The front staff member stopped suddenly at a large black SUV, so the mystery man also stopped, not warning me first, let go of the suitcase, then turned slightly to face me, causing me to trip on his foot and go tumbling to the ground. Well, I would have, if he hadn’t caught me before I hit the cement. My sunglasses went flying off, my hands both went straight out in front of me in anticipation of the landing I thought was approaching, yet somehow, I ended up suspended above the curb, looking like I was about to dive into a pool or something, totally ridiculous.

I was set down, then stood up and faced the mystery man as I put my hands on my hips and exclaimed, “Hey! Next time please warn me when you stop, so I don’t end up falling to my death! I would like to live, thank you very much!” Since my sunglasses were off, still on the ground, he could see my spicy pretend-angry eyes and laughed, then reached down to pick up the sunglasses and handed them to me. I was waiting for some kind of response, but he did not speak, simply pointed to the door he had opened and motioned for me to climb inside, which made me even more spicy. I quickly went around him to get into the back seat, but since one of my shoelaces was now untied, I lifted up my foot, stepped on my long shoelace, and fell forward, about the smash my face into the door. He grabbed me before I hit anything, now laughing so hard it was shaking his whole body, then lifted me into the SUV and set me on the seat, where I instantly crossed my arms across my chest and turned my head away from him.

He closed the door, then went around and got into the backseat and sat next to me, where I was already looking, and continued to laugh as he buckled his seat belt. The other staff member had loaded my suitcase already and began driving out of the parking spot, reminding me to buckle as well, so I did, still fuming at the mystery man. He had stopped laughing now, so he was able to talk and quickly said, “Sorry for the awkward way I had to dress- it was the only way I could accompany the staff and meet you at the airport without being recognized. I think it worked because even you didn’t know it was me!” He began taking off random items, his hat, sunglasses, mask, and the hot jacket until I could see his whole face and instantly saw who he really was. “Joon! I thought you weren’t allowed to leave the house today?!” I exclaimed, taking off my hat and mask as well, so he could see my face- it only seemed fair at this point.

He smiled, then explained, “I promised to be completely different than I normally am, not speak to anyone, and not tell you anything, just so they would let me go to the airport and it was totally worth it! I got to see so many emotions in such a short time!” I looked away from his face, now embarrassed, but he didn’t mean to upset me, so he reached over for my hand and said, “Why don’t you explain what you were feeling while I ask about the actions I noticed, since they confused me, ok?” I nodded, still not making eye contact again yet. “First, I was worried about having two staff members there because I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time and didn’t think two escorts were necessary just for me. Then, I was scared when I heard that loud noise, so I reached for your hand because I felt safe with you for some unknown reason. Next, I was anxious, so I focused on calming myself down in the elevator. Finally, I was spicy because neither one of you told me when we were stopping and I kept falling like I was in an actual k-drama show and I hate being the damsel in distress!”

He listened intently, then squeezed my hand and replied, “So you reached for me when you were scared because I looked like I could protect you?” I nodded, then he continued, “And when we were in the elevator you leaned on my back while you made drawings on the walls to calm your anxiety down because you knew you were safe with me?” I nodded again, now extremely embarrassed because when he said it out loud it sounded like I wasn’t brave at all… “Then when you fell twice, you were mad because you want to be independent, but you felt like you had to be rescued by me and that embarrassed you?” he asked. I nodded again, now playing with the hem of my shirt with my free hand, not wanting to look at his face and show my burning cheeks. He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, then he said, “I am glad you trust me enough to protect you, even when you don’t want to admit you need help. I hope I can continue to build that trust so you will tell me everything you are thinking and feeling so I can keep you even more safe during your visit with us.”

I nodded again, but didn’t speak, trying to cool my cheeks down before I attempted to look at him again, not wanting to answer any more of his questions at the moment. He gave me space, letting me look out the window quietly for a few minutes, then I asked, “How far away are we driving anyway?” He asked the driver something in Korean, then replied to me, “He says we have about thirty more minutes to go.” I looked at Joon, surprised to see him smiling, then said, “Thanks for giving me time to calm down. Not everyone understands how overwhelming things can be sometimes and I appreciate that you noticed.” He looked into my eyes and responded, “I want to treat you with respect and kindness, so of course I want to help you stay calm. Please don’t think I’m being rude, but you look very different than I expected, and I am quite surprised by how expressive your face is, especially your eyes.”

I rolled my eyes as I answered, “Yes, I know, which is why I have to always cover my face when I don’t want someone to know what I’m thinking or feeling because even though my words may be silent, my face will be screaming and sometimes that can get me into trouble. I have always wanted to be able to hide my feelings from others, but unfortunately haven’t been able to master it yet…” He immediately responded, “I am glad you cannot hide anything because it means you have the gift of honesty and that is very rare these days. I have worked with deceitful people before, and I would much rather work with you than them any day.” I shrugged my shoulders, not knowing how to respond, then changed the subject and asked, “What is your favorite part about living in California so far?” He laughed, knowing I was purposely changing the subject, and answered, “Well, we haven’t been able to explore much, and we spend most of our time inside, working on songs, so I don’t have an answer for you right now. Perhaps you can go exploring with us while you are visiting?”

I turned towards him and started babbling about all the fun things to do near them, which surprised him, since I needed both hands to talk- I used them to model what I was talking about, which amused him and he was so focused on trying to figure out what I was telling him that he completely lost track of time and suddenly we had arrived at the house. We didn’t need to disguise ourselves anymore since the house had a garage, once the SUV had pulled inside and the garage door was closed again, we were free to get out, but Joon hopped out first, then told me to wait, which I did, not really understanding why. My door opened quickly, and he reached for my shoe, me having completely forgotten that my shoelaces were undone- of course he wanted to retie them to keep me safe! I unbuckled and when he was done, he held out his hand to help me down, which I accepted happily.

I took two or three steps away from the SUV, waiting for Joon to tell me where to go, but he didn’t get the opportunity because I was picked up and spun around very unexpectedly by a wild haired guy who was shouting happily in Korean. Once he set me down, he took both my cheeks in his hands and exclaimed, “We are happy to see you here today! I am JK and you are happy to see me also!”

I laughed because who could resist such an adorable greeting from basically a giant puppy? He let go and I thought I would have a second to process what just happened, but I was wrong because suddenly I was surrounded by a bunch of very loud guys, all talking to me, but also at me, and over me at the same time, mixing Korean with English, so I literally had no idea what anyone was actually saying or asking. I tried watching their faces, turning my body around in a circle, making eye contact with all six of them, but after trying for several minutes and still being confused, I realized I was never going to understand what was happening and I became overwhelmed and anxious. I bit my bottom lip and tightly gripped the bottom hem of my shirt, attempting to distract myself from the chaos I was surrounded by.

I looked up at the garage ceiling, focusing on the gears of the garage door, the panels of the door, etc. and wished I could either melt into the floor or freeze time, so I could disappear and find somewhere quiet to hide for a bit. I don’t know how long the chaos continued, since time moves differently for me when my anxiety is heightened, but it felt like hours before they moved away and all ran into the house, leaving me standing there, completely perplexed, not understanding what had caused them to leave unexpectedly, me having done nothing. “Don’t worry, they are always like that with new people. I’m sorry I couldn’t make them greet you differently- I didn’t know they would rush out the instant we arrived here. I didn’t notice how much it bothered you until it was too late and I will try to be more mindful of that future,” Joon said quietly, moving to stand in front of me, seeing how stressed I was. I just stared into his concerned eyes, unable to articulate what I was thinking just yet, which was fine with him, and he didn’t pressure me to respond like most people would.

He reached for one of my hands and guided me to the door, then kicked his shoes off. I had instantly mimicked him, which he noticed and smiled about, then opened the door and led me inside. It was a long hallway and he could hear the others straight ahead in the main living area, but knew they would be all excited still, so he pointed to a doorway off to the left and suggested I go downstairs to their recording studio, where it might be quieter, while he calmed them down enough to actually allow me to meet them individually. I nodded gratefully and walked carefully down the stairs, then found an open room with tons of fancy looking equipment, clearly for the producing part of the music, but didn’t go near it because I didn’t want to mess anything up.

I followed the wall to look into one of the recording rooms, where a guitar and keyboard were set up, then turned to face the main room again, but came face to face with Yoongi, who was staring at me. We just stood there for a moment, not really sure what to do or say, until he quietly said, “Hello, I am Yoongi. You are JJ. We wanted you to come stay with us.”

I smiled and replied, “Hello Yoongi, yes, I am JJ and I am thankful you invited me to meet you guys. I am feeling overwhelmed by the loudness, so Joon sent me downstairs to have some quiet time to adjust before the others meet me. I’m sorry if I am bothering you.” He shook his head and pointed to one of the chairs near the fancy equipment, then motioned for me to sit down next to him. I followed his directions and waited for him- he was smiling a lot and pushing a lot of buttons, so I figured he had a plan. Suddenly, a song started playing from who knows where, and it startled me, so I jumped, then looked at Yoongi and he patted my leg, letting me know it was ok, that he wanted me to listen to the song, so I did. It was impossible for me to understand the lyrics since they were in Korean, but I understood the meaning because it was one of those songs that touches the soul, even when language seems to get in the way.

By the end of the song, I was legit crying, and he leaned closer to my face as he asked, “Are you ok?” I nodded and gave him a tiny smile, then explained, “Yoongi, I don’t know what that song was about, but it was extremely sad, and I felt like my heart was breaking the entire time.” He nodded, handed me a tissue, then patted my leg again as he replied, “Yes, that song is about losing someone you love, so I am not surprised you felt it deeply. Joon was right about you- there is something very unique in the way you view the world.” I did not know if that was a good or bad thing but didn’t care at the moment- I was just thankful it was Yoongi who had played it for me and that only he had seen me cry. I stood up and walked around the room, trying to distract myself and stop the sadness, and asked him, “Yoongi, how do you guys make the songs? Who decides which ones are good and which ones are bad?” He came to stand in front of me, gave me a hug, and replied, “We write lyrics, make music, record, then play for each other and make group decision. If we cannot decide, we ask staff. We almost always agree, so it’s rare for us to involve others.”

I took a deep breath and asked, “Then why in the world am I even here?” He saw my stormy eyes and put his hands on my shoulders, then answered, “I think you have a gift to share with us and since Joon believes in you, so do I. You are here to share ideas with us and give us help with the English.” I was not convinced, which he saw, so he continued, “Listen, we all have things we are good at and things we need to practice. I am not good at certain things that you are good at, and you are not good at some things I am good at. We need balance to be our best and if Joon believes you can bring balance to our songs, then it must be true because he doesn’t do anything without careful thought and consideration.” I did trust Yoongi, since he was being really sincere, so I nodded, almost fully convinced I was actually needed, then hugged him and thanked him for giving me some confidence back. He was shocked, but wasn’t mad, then wanted to show me another song, so he guided me back to the fancy equipment and had me sit with him again.

I did not know it at the time, but Joon had been sitting on the bottom stair, not wanting to interrupt our conversation, just eavesdropping on Yoongi and me, which he was thankful he did, otherwise he wouldn’t have known what was bothering me now. He waited until the next song was almost over, then pretended to come downstairs loudly and saw me laughing with Yoongi when he entered the room, both of us happily chatting and listening, which made Joon extremely happy because he really wanted us two to become friends specifically. Yoongi motioned Joon over, then explained how he had only played two songs for me, but I had liked them both, even without understanding the words. I looked up into Joon’s face and smiled, making sure he knew how much I liked hanging out with Yoongi, then Joon said it was time for me to go upstairs, so I could officially meet the others. I was instantly nervous, looking at Yoongi for encouragement, which he gave by saying, “All you have to do is be yourself and they will like you just like I do.”

Well, that sounded easier than it would be- Yoongi is like me, thoughtful and shy at first, but the ones upstairs were clearly the opposite, which greatly worried me. Joon assured me I would be fine, so I let him lead me up the stairs, waving to Yoongi as I went, thanking him for making me laugh. When we got to the top of the stairs, I took a deep breath and waited for Joon to continue walking, so I could follow him wherever he was leading me, but instead, he stepped aside and pushed me gently in front of himself, making me go first. I was super nervous now, not knowing what I was walking into, but had no option other than continuing down the hallway.

I came into a giant living room area and expected to see chaos, like before, but instead, the other five guys were calmly sitting or standing and not yelling at all. I stopped before reaching the low table in the middle of the room, not sure where I should go, which allowed one of them to rush over and look like he was about to spin me around like before. I flinched and braced for another wild ride, but after a few seconds, I opened my eyes to find him simply standing right in front of me, inches away, staring right at me, as if paused in the middle of a tv show somehow. I looked up and waited, now really confused about what I should do, but nothing happened.

Maybe my silence had activated him, or maybe he saw my wide eyes staring back at him- either way, he stood perfectly still and said, “Welcome to our party home! We are happy to have you here to have fun with us all the time. You can call me Tae if you want.” Then he jumped back and ran to the others, leaving me completely stunned and baffled. Two more approached me, did the same exact thing, stood directly in front of me, introduced themselves as Jimin and J-Hope, then ran away quickly, which I was now finding to be very odd and suspicious, how they all acted the same…

An extremely tall guy walked over next, stood super far away, patted my head, and said, “I am Jin, known to be worldwide handsome. If you fall in love with me, I will understand.” While he turned and quickly walked away, I giggled and covered my face because I could not believe that had just happened. JK came running over, skidded to a halt right in front of me in his socks, took my hands in his, then whisper-exclaimed, “I won’t yell this time. I am happy your face is here to be with us right now.” He gave Joon a thumbs-up sign and ran back to the others, clearly pleased about behaving this time, which made me burst out laughing, something they had not been expecting.

Thankfully, laughter is understandable across all languages, so once I was laughing, they quickly joined in, which allowed them to crowd me again, but this time I did not get overwhelmed because the happiness we shared made it seem like I had always been friends with them. Once we had calmed down a bit, Joon said we needed to head downstairs to work on some songs-I guess playtime was over and we had to get back to business already. I was kind of disappointed because I had literally just flown down there that same day but understood because my entire purpose was to be helpful, not to just be friends, so we all headed downstairs, me letting the others go first, then realizing JK had waited to walk with me. He held out his arm, wanting me to link mine with his, which I did, then he confidently led us down the hallway, as if it was the most important job he had ever had in his life.

I was giggling by the time we got down the stairs, since JK has this crazy ability to make others feel special just be being near him, so when Joon told JK he needed to head into one of the recording rooms, JK made a big dramatic show about how he wanted to stay with me and help me write lyrics. I was now laughing so much I had to sit on the floor, which triggered Jin and J-Hope, so within a minute there were three of us on the floor, absolutely losing our marbles at JK’s fake tantrum. Yoongi was calmly watching from his chair, clearly used to JK’s antics and just wanting to get things done, while Tae and Jimin looked like they were deciding whether or not they should join in because it did look like fun… Poor Joon held his head in his hands and tried to stay calm, took a deep breath, then said something to JK that must have been important or serious because JK sullenly turned and walked into the room without another word, quickly followed by Tae and Jimin.

Joon had to help Jin off the floor, then sent him into the same room, I guess because they were all needed for the singing? J-Hope stayed out with me, Yoongi, and Joon for the first part, but I had no idea why, since I didn’t even know what they were working on at this point. After that, they took turns playing music, adding singing, redoing some parts, adding the rap parts in, complaining about certain parts or sounds, etc. and what seemed like a quick process turned into three hours of organized chaos, without an end result- nobody was satisfied with the final outcome and they decided to scrap it and restart later, since it was time for dinner. They had been so absorbed in their long process that I was able to fly under the radar, which was amazing, but when Yoongi and Joon looked for me, I was not downstairs anymore. They shut off all the equipment and hurried upstairs, unsure of what had happened or where they would find me, but they didn’t need to worry at all- I was safe with JK and Tae, which they saw as soon as they got into the living room. There was a soft rug on the floor, which JK and Tae had shown me, then once they also laid down to rest, it was over for all three of us and we were asleep within minutes, somehow all snuggled together but also able to be comfortable, if that makes any sense.

Joon and Yoongi just silently laughed- of course JK had convinced me to nap with him- he was always tired and always trying to sneak in extra naps with anyone nearby. Jin and Jimin were just sitting on the couches, relaxing and ignoring the pile of napping bodies on the floor, as if it happened every day, which I’m guessing it did, at least for them anyway. Yoongi needed to start dinner with Jimin and Jin, so they went to help him, while Joon came over to sit on the couch now, being permanently banned from the kitchen, watching us sleep and wondering how in the world I had managed to feel so comfortable with Tae and JK in such a short time.

After about half an hour, Joon started waking us up, knowing dinner would be ready soon and we needed to get up to join everyone at the table. He woke up Tae easily, then stepped over him to reach me, to gently rub my arm and tell me it was time to wake up, causing me to stretch, rub my eyes, look around in confusion, not recognize anyone or anything, have a moment of panic, then look at Tae and JK right next to either side of me, remember how I got there, giggle, then smile and blink right up into Joon’s perplexed face. He felt like he had seen an entire day’s worth of emotions in just one minute from me, something that he wasn’t used to seeing. He held out his hands for me, so I took them, and he pulled me up, where I wobbled and lost my balance, but didn’t fall because he was able to catch me in time, quickly hugging me and saving the day yet again. I rested my head on his shoulder for a moment, still waking up, and heard Tae asking about the time behind me, so when I felt steady again, I turned around and looked at my watch, then answered Tae.

Joon was so surprised about my sudden turn that he forgot to let go and still had his arms around me, which I didn’t pay any attention to until JK held out his hands for me to help him up and I leaned over to give him mine, forcing Joon to let go in order to let me reach JK’s hands. I should have known not to attempt to help JK, him being much stronger and bigger than I am, but I still tried to pull him up… Sigh. I ended up being pulled down, right back onto the carpet, JK looking completely shocked about how easily he was able to pull me down, while I was now laughing again, watching him try to figure out how he had managed to do the exact opposite of what he intended. Poor Joon just had to watch the whole thing unfold because he couldn’t reach me in time but also couldn’t stop JK from pulling me down. Joon was able to make sure I was ok, then helped me up again, this time making sure I was far away from JK when he asked for help getting up, which only made me laugh harder and soon I could not breathe again, so I had to go sit at the top of the stairs to catch my breath. J-Hope followed me and sat with me, laughing with me, then calming down, then making me laugh again when he looked at me, so it seemed we would be destined to laugh for the rest of the night if we stayed together…

Joon appeared after a while and said dinner was ready, so we had to come sit at the table, which caused us both to quiet down immediately. J-Hope quickly went past Joon, but I stopped when he blocked my path and I asked, “Are you mad at me? I’m sorry for laughing so much, but you did not tell me the other guys were so funny!” Joon sighed, then said, “No, I can’t be mad at you. I want to make sure you are ok though, since we ended up ignoring you a lot this afternoon. We just get so consumed by our music that we lose track of time or other people around us.” I nodded and said I understood, so he took my arm and led me to the table, where JK insisted I sit next to him, while my other side was obviously Joon.

They handed me chopsticks, then put random items on a plate in front of me, but I had no idea what anything was, so JK had to model how to eat things and when I picked up the first bite with the chopsticks and easily ate it, they all stared at me and gasped, so I dropped the chopsticks and asked what I had done wrong- I thought they were mad! All of them started laughing, then explained how foreigners don’t usually know how to eat with chopsticks, so they assumed I would need help too and it impressed them that I was able to eat without any help from them- they weren’t actually mad, but in awe instead. I felt relieved, so I picked up the chopsticks again and tried to listen to JK who was teaching me about the foods, but half of what he said I could not understand because his mouth was always full of food, so I carefully tried a few more bites, unsure of what I was even eating at this point.

Tae was on the other side of JK and asked if I liked spicy foods, but I told him I do not, just like him, so he handed me a bowl of something and explained that his is never spicy, so he would always share with me if I wanted him to- he was so sweet! I thanked him and took the bowl, careful not to spill any on JK. Soon, they were chatting away loudly, but I was full and enjoying watching and listening to their voices, leaning on Joon’s arm, feeling very sleepy, but not wanting to ruin their fun just yet. Joon was very calm while eating, so I felt safe leaning on him whereas JK was always moving or flinging his arms around and probably would have hit me if I had leaned on him.

Joon didn’t even notice how sleepy I was because he couldn’t see my face until Yoongi, who was sitting across from us, said something to Joon quietly, causing Joon to look down at me, which is when he noticed my very heavy eyelids and arms that were just hanging uselessly at my sides by now. He checked the time and realized it was already 8pm, so no wonder I was falling asleep, after a big day of travel and meeting new people, he thought I must be exhausted. He set down his chopsticks and helped me stand up, then took my hand and led me down another hallway, to the guest room, where my suitcase was waiting.

“You can unpack and shower in this bathroom if you want and go to sleep in here if you are too tired to stay awake anymore. We don’t really sleep in our own beds, so please don’t be alarmed if you wake up and find someone cuddling you in the middle of the night or morning- it’s something we do all the time,” he said, standing in front of me, holding my arms to keep me from falling down. “I want to cuddle Joon. Don’t worry about me,” I replied very sleepily, which made him smile and brush a few wild hairs away from my face. He let go, then said he would come back to check on me in a little while, so I could have some privacy, which I appreciated. I used the bathroom and showered, then put on my pjs and was just sitting on the edge of the bed when the door came flying open and JK came rushing in, telling me, “I know you like to cuddle, and I do too. We will be best cuddle friends for life now!” I laughed, then gave him a thumbs-up, not even caring that my hair was wet and hanging wildly down my back at the moment.

JK did notice, however, and cautiously came over, patted my hair a few times, then asked if he could smell me, which I said yes to, since I know how curious he is. He said something fast in Korean, then ran to the bathroom, grabbed my hairbrush, and ran back out, asking, “Can I use brush for your hair?” I nodded, then laughed when he was too excited to walk and ran back over to the bed, jumping on it to sit behind me. I did not have high hopes for his abilities, since all of them have short hair, so when he was afraid to actually touch my hair, I knew I was about to go into teacher mode and give him a life lesson. Before I could show him though, he yelled for Tae, who came running in and joined him on the bed. Well, now I had two students, and I actually thought it was sweet they even wanted to try, so I showed them both how to brush long hair, not too soft, but also not too rough, so they didn’t hurt me, and after a few minutes, they were able to take turns and did a very good job.

Next thing I know, J-Hope and Jimin are in with me as well, asking for turns to brush my hair, making sure they are doing it the right way, which also made me giggle, but of course I let them. Once Jin showed up, he also demanded a chance to try and it turned into a whole dramatic scene because he wanted to be the first one to brush my hair, so I had them decide who got to be first each night for the rest of my visit to avoid any further issues. Jin’s dramatic outbursts had drawn Yoongi and Joon into my room, where they found me surrounded by the other five guys, Jin holding a hairbrush, and me trying to hide my giggles behind my hand unsuccessfully.

It was now almost 9pm, so Joon scooted everyone else out of my room, excluding Yoongi, who just wanted to say goodnight to me, which I appreciated. I accepted his hug and knew it was meant more because he was more thoughtful about who he gives his hugs to vs the others who basically hug anyone whenever they feel like it. Yoongi quietly left, then Joon was just standing there, holding the hairbrush, looking at me, still sitting on the bed, my hair now a tangled mess because of Jin’s epic meltdown. He asked if he could sit behind me and help, which I was thankful for, so I turned and he attempted to brush the first tangle out, but it was not easy, so I had to show him how to hold my hair at the top and then deal with the tangles, so it wouldn’t hurt me.

It took him a while to get the tangles completely out and when he finally did, I was so relaxed that I was leaning on his legs and barely able to keep my eyes open. He set the brush down on the nightstand, then moved off the bed, helping me lay down correctly, me not fighting him at all, even when he put a blanket on me and said, “I am so glad you decided to come visit even though you did not want to. I enjoyed having you here today and I hope I can show you how important you are to us.” I just mumbled something, not real words, then he chuckled to himself and turned off the overhead light but left the door open when he exited the room.

The next morning, I woke up early, since I’m an early bird even without an alarm, and heard birds outside, then saw the bright sunshine peaking in the window through the curtains. I had to blink a few times to remember where I was, then I wondered why I felt so squished at the moment. I turned to my right and found out right away- JK was snoring on my pillow, his head leaning on my shoulder. I covered my mouth to stop myself from laughing and waking him up, then turned to my left to find J-Hope, and luckily, he was still asleep as well. I carefully snuck out of the bed, noticing that Tae was also in the cuddle with us, just on the other side of JK, then went to the bathroom and grabbed a hair tie for my now wild hair.

I snuck out of the room, not expecting anyone else to be awake, as I had assumed all musicians were night owls, working late at night and sleeping most of the day, so imagine my surprise when I literally ran into Joon, who was standing in the kitchen, attempting to boil water. I had not been looking up while walking, so I apologized for running into him, although he was not the one who almost got knocked to the ground… I forgot about putting my hair up for the moment and said, “You were right about the cuddles. JK, Tae, and J-Hope found me last night and it was so sweet! I think I must have slept well because I don’t remember any of them joining me.”

He laughed and replied, “Yeah, there was a little argument about who should sleep next to you last night, but they quickly settled it amongst themselves, so I’m glad you didn’t hear any of it. Do you always wake up early like me?” I nodded, then said, “Yes, I am an early bird even without an alarm, so I snuck out of the bed without waking the others. I wasn’t sure if anyone else would be awake, but I am glad you are.” I smiled up at him, probably looking like a crazy person, but he smiled back anyway, so I guess it didn’t matter. I asked what he was doing, which is when he realized he had been trying to boil water, but had not turned on the burner, so the water was literally just sitting in the pan doing nothing. I immediately burst out laughing, trying to keep myself quiet for the others, but Joon tried to look offended, like he couldn’t believe I was laughing at him, which just made it worse for me. I tried to reach over to turn on the burner for him, but he stopped my arm, insisting he knew how, then I tried to get my other arm involved, which just turned into a disaster, with both my arms now crisscrossed with Joon’s and me struggling to break free while also realizing I had no chance because of his hidden strength.

I finally gave up, looking up into his face, and said, “Ok Joon, you win! I give up! You are way too strong to battle anymore!” He stopped moving and gently brushed some of my wild hairs away from my face, then replied, “Ha ha, now you know never to mess with me in the kitchen.” I blinked and froze- how could this be happening? I promised myself that no matter what, I would not become attracted to any of the members, never, ever, ever, but here I was, literally being held captive by Joon, inches from his face, seeing his natural beauty, and wondering if my racing heart was going to give my secret away, or if I could pretend nothing was happening for a little while longer.

He could see I was having an inner turmoil moment, so continued to watch me, then got worried when he saw me frown and bite my bottom lip, so he asked, “What is wrong and how can I help?” There was no way on this Earth I was going to tell him the truth, so I closed my eyes and said, “Actually, I need help with my wild hair, so can you help me please?” He knew I was lying he instant I closed my eyes, but didn’t argue with me, just let my arms go, so I could turn around and hand him the hair tie. He had no idea how to use it, which I figured out within ten seconds, so I quicky gave him a lesson on how to make a ponytail with long hair, right there in the kitchen. When I was satisfied with the result, I turned back to face him, now fully in control of my thoughts and asked why he needed the water.

He accepted my change of subject but didn’t give up- he would ask me about it later. Apparently, Joon wanted to make coffee, so he thought boiling water was needed, when I could clearly see a coffee machine sitting right on the counter. Then he saw it too and changed his story to noodles, which aren’t really a breakfast food, so at that point he admitted he had no idea why he had even tried to boil water, which got me laughing again, and made him smile while shaking his head. He made himself coffee, while I just had tea, then we sat on the balcony happily chatting and just relaxing, him sitting next to me on the patio couch, me being very careful not to touch him at all.

Joon thought this was hilarious, since I made it very obvious what I was avoiding, so he spent the next hour reaching over for imaginary items, purposely leaning extra close when speaking to me, touching my pjs when asking about the design, etc. just to irritate me. I was just about to lose my patience (and mind) when Yoongi appeared and saved my life! He had also woken up and wanted to join us with his coffee on the patio, so I jumped up from my spot and traded to one of the chairs, so Yoongi could sit next to Joon, who knew what I was doing and winked at me, causing me to turn around and stare at the clouds to hide my now burning cheeks. Thank goodness for Yoongi because he was very distracting and calming at the same time, which I desperately needed, and soon I was calmed down enough to ask if I could help in some way- I hated being useless when invited to stay with friends.

Yoongi actually wanted me to help with breakfast, since the others were still sleeping and Joon’s not allowed to enter the kitchen, which then prompted me to tell Yoongi about the non-boiling water, and Yoongi was soon laughing just like I had been, Joon now faking a scowl and pretending to be offended by my story but also laughing with us at the same time. I really felt comfortable with them and understood why others would too. We headed inside shortly after, Yoongi giving me directions and me easily following them- I love to cook and bake, so once I knew what he expected I was able to complete my tasks correctly. We made lots of food, since the other guys are always hungry apparently, and the smell must have drifted down the hallway, because about an hour later, all five of the sleepyheads wandered out, looking like hibernating bears waking up from their long naps.

I had to go onto the balcony to hide my laughter because I had never seen a bunch of funnier looking guys in my life- they were nothing like the famous photos appearing all over the internet- their hair was wild, pjs all mismatched and twisted around, faces barely awake, shuffling along like zombies. They all got coffee and came onto the patio, so I went back inside and down the hall to get dressed, since they clearly needed time to wake up. Once I was dressed, I fixed my hair and felt presentable at least.

By then breakfast was ready to be eaten, so I helped Yoongi carry it to the table and once everyone was there, we all started eating and chatting like I had always been living with them, like this was a normal day for us, which was an awesome feeling. Joon sat across from me this time, still pretending to be spicy about his water story, but then laughed with everyone when Yoongi told the other five about it, so I knew he wasn’t really angry with me. After everyone had eaten, they dispersed to change into their clothes and Joon told me they wanted to start working on the lyrics with me, if it was ok. Of course I agreed, since it was literally the entire purpose of my visit and took the computer he handed me. I went downstairs and just stood there, unsure of where I was supposed to sit, since they would all be down here soon and I didn’t know if anyone had a favorite spot.

Yoongi was already down there, which shouldn’t have surprised me, so when he patted the chair next to him, I went to join him, relieved at not having to figure out where my place was anymore. I opened the computer, then showed Yoongi the log in screen, so he could enter the password, which he did quickly, then showed me how to get to their document where they were recording their lyrics. Each one had a different title, but I could not read anything because it was still in Korean, so Yoongi showed me how to change the language to English, and once I knew how to do that, he asked me to change them all, so I could read over them and make sure there wasn’t anything terribly offensive or anything that just didn’t make sense.

I was happy to have a purpose, so I got right to work, not even noticing when the others joined us, or when they started talking about how to incorporate other languages into their songs this time, so more fans around the world could enjoy them. I had no idea anyone was even talking to me until Yoongi tapped my shoulder and told me to look up, where six other sets of eyes were all focused on me now, me having absolutely no clue what they had asked, and therefore immediately felt my cheeks getting hot from the intense pressure. JK ran over and sat right in front of me, then repeated, “How can we learn many languages for many songs?” I still had no idea what they needed me for, which is when J-Hope said, “We know you might have ideas about how to make our songs easier to listen to and we were wondering if you had any to share right now?”

Being put on the spot is literally one of my worst nightmares, but I knew they were all counting on me, so I had to take a deep breath and think fast, then reply, “Actually, I think I do know a way to include more languages in your songs. What if you made a list of the languages you want to include, let’s say the top ten most common, not including Korean, and then we wrote a song where every two lines or so it switched to another language, so each one of you only needs to memorize one or two parts in another language, instead of an entire song. We could also include more sign language in the dances, so that would allow more accessibility as well.”

It was silent for a full minute, while they thought about what I said, then I looked at Yoongi, who smiled and gave me a thumbs-up, so at least he thought it was an ok idea. I looked at Joon, who was deep in thought while he translated my thoughts to the others, but Jin already smiled and gave me a thumbs-up as well, so I waited for the others’ reactions and pretty soon, they were all smiling and saying they thought they could do it, especially JK, who was still sitting right in front of me, clapping for my idea, which helped me not be so stressed. He was like a ball of happiness hidden inside a giant child, constantly being silly, but bringing joy wherever he went and I was thankful he liked me so I could get some of his happiness to rub off on me when I felt stressed. Joon finally smiled and said, “Ok, we agree with that plan, but how do we decide which song to use? How can we pick just one to make into so many languages?”

I already had an idea, which he could see from my excited face and the way I had been bouncing my legs while he spoke, so he was not surprised when I said, “We will write a new song about people working together in their communities to do small things that make a big difference, like helping a neighbor, picking up trash, volunteering, rescuing animals, or visiting loved ones in hospitals. One small act of kindness can create a huge ripple effect, which is the perfect topic for a song in multiple languages. You can use kids and people of all ages in the music video and teach them the signs as well, so everyone can understand what it’s about, even if they can’t hear. Also, you can use color descriptions for the blind fans as well, when singing about uniforms or outfits.”

Again, I waited patiently for Joon to translate and then saw their faces match mine, mostly excited, some apprehensive, but nobody hated it, so I thought that was a win. I asked Joon if they usually wrote the lyrics together, or if one person usually did the writing and the others shared their thoughts afterwards. He said he writes most of the lyrics with Yoongi, then the others have opinions and they make changes as needed, so I assumed that’s what he wanted this time, but then he said, “Can you write your ideas down this time for us to look over while we work on the music and we can put them together when you’re done?”

I nodded, but was freaking out inside- sure, I’ll just write a very important song, about to be heard around the world, for a super famous band to perform at live concerts, that includes as many languages as possible- no pressure! JK felt my anxiety rising somehow and told me, “I know you can do this in my heart, and it never lies to me.” I smiled, thanking him for his encouragement all the time, which I guess made him happy because he pulled me up and hugged me, to my total surprise. I laughed when Tae came over to join us, then Jin and Jimin, and soon I was in the middle of a very squishy pile of happy, laughing, tall, handsome, goofy guys. Finally, Yoongi said he needed us to get to work, so they moved back, and I could breathe, but I wasn’t mad- it was actually calming to know they supported me that much.

Joon said I didn’t need to be downstairs, if I wanted to go work somewhere quieter, since they had more vocals to rehearse and record, but I was still overwhelmed about creating such an important song on my own, which he saw, so he suggested we work together, while the others recorded, since they didn’t really need his parts right then anyway. I was thankful for his offer and happily followed him upstairs. He likes to write on the balcony, so we sat out there first, him with his notebook open, me with the computer, and it was ok, but I was distracted by all the city sounds.

He could tell I wasn’t able to focus my best, so he moved us inside, into one of the other bedrooms where there was a soft rug on the floor, which I immediately chose to go to, relieved to be able to lay down on the floor. Soon, I had the first verse done and the chorus, then I was in the middle of the second verse when Jimin came in and lay down next to me, instantly reading my notes and giving his opinion. “I wasn’t sure at first, but now I think you are actually good. These are great words for us to sing, so I approve,” he said, checking every line to see if he liked it or not. I laughed, liking his honesty, which somehow alerted J-Hope that I was upstairs and he came to the other side of me, making me extremely nervous. I was worried about getting his famous side-eye look of judgement, but even he was pleasantly surprised by my ideas, which made me extremely relieved. Now I only had to worry about a few others, and I would be ok.

JK and Tae arrived soon after, squishing onto the rug and reading over my shoulder, almost crushing me in the process, but they both agreed they liked what I had written and started singing some of the lines, even though we didn’t have a tune for it yet. I guess JK is so great at music that he sometimes creates the beats for the songs himself, so maybe that’s what he was trying to do this time as well? When Jin arrived, I thought I was going to die because of all the guys who were already on the carpet, but thankfully, he chose to sit next to Joon and wait for everyone to let me climb out of the pile to show him. He was deep in thought, which I thought was a bad thing, but then he finally said he thought it would be easy to perform on stage, so he approved. Phew! I had been super nervous about his opinion, but now the hard part was done!

I hadn’t shown Yoongi or Joon yet, but I knew they wouldn’t hate anything, so I wasn’t worried about them. The guys wanted to take a break and do something fun, so they asked if I wanted to go do an outside activity, but I really wanted to finish the song, so I politely declined and snuck downstairs to keep working. Luckily, Yoongi was still down there, and he understood my need to complete something I was right in the middle of. I went into one of the recording rooms, not aware that the mics were on, then kept writing, and when I had finished the third verse, went back to the top and started singing to the tune JK had gotten stuck in my head, since it was so catchy. I liked the fact that he made the melody upbeat and peppy, which was perfect for my song about kindness. I went through all the verses, plus the chorus, before I realized I had only been singing in English, so I quickly used the internet to translate the first verse into Japanese, Tagalog, and Hindi, then taught myself how to pronounce the words using my phone to translate. After practicing it at least ten times, I felt confident that the guys could easily learn the words and make it into a hit song.

I had no idea that Yoongi had been listening to me the whole time, since the mic was on, and admiring my dedication and perseverance, then had told Joon to sneak downstairs so he could also listen, which he did, but I had no clue, or I might have been too nervous to continue working. Before I realized it, three hours had passed and I looked around, saw the studio empty, then thought maybe they had all gone outside and left me alone, which I was completely fine with. I stood up and opened the recording door, only to find Yoongi and Joon sitting on the floor, under the window, pretending to be working together, when they were clearly not doing any such thing. I pretended to be upset and asked, “What are you two doing over here, spying on me as I work hard for you?!” They got up and looked at the ground, then Joon admitted they had been listening to me and Yoongi said he didn’t realize I could also sing the songs I was writing, which is why he had involved Joon.

I instantly put both my hands up and exclaimed, “Woah, let’s not get too crazy! Just because I can repeat a melody someone gives me and whisper a few lyrics, does not mean I can actually sing like you guys!” They both looked up and faced me, looking suspiciously guilty about something, so I put my hands on my hips and asked, “Oh no, what did you do?” Yoongi took my hand and led me to the sound board, sat me down, and clicked a few buttons, then played what I thought was one of their songs. Nope, it was the recording of me, whispering the lyrics to myself, in the booth, when I did not know I was being recorded. He had added a beat and instruments to match the tempo and melody I had been humming so it actually sounded pretty good, but I was still so embarrassed I just covered my face with my hands and sat silently for a moment. “Please don’t be embarrassed or mad at us. We just wanted you to hear how good it sounds so you know your efforts are worth it,” Joon said quietly, as he sat next to me and gently took my hands away from my face, forcing me to look at his sincere face and know he was telling me the truth.

I looked at Yoongi, who was also very sincere and knew I couldn’t be mad at them- they were just trying to help. “Ok, I won’t be mad, but please, please delete that before anyone else hears it! Also, no more recording me without my permission! Let me work how I want, without anyone watching or listening, and you will get way better results than if I’m aware of the pressure looming above me, ok?” I proclaimed, looking both of them in the eye to make sure they understood. They nodded and Yoongi reached over to squeeze my hand, which Joon also did, so I considered that to be equivalent to a pinky promise. I stood up and went back into the room, knowing I wasn’t done and since I was still in the “zone” I needed to follow through before I ran out of motivation. I thought the mic was off now, so I got right back to work on the second verse, which had Russian, German, and Chinese. That was especially tough for me, but I powered through and made it to the third verse, which got Nigerian, Vietnamese, and Arabic. For some reason, that was easier for me and the words seemed to flow in a more romantic way, so I thought it was beautiful.

After what felt like forever, I finally made it to the chorus, which included Spanish, Italian, and French. It was hard work, translating the words first, to get the spelling correct, then using my phone to say it correctly, then adding in the melody so it sounded good while I was pretending to sing it and it took me so long I wanted to give up multiple times, but I reminded myself why I had to finish the song- there were people all over the world, waiting for a song in their language, who needed to hear this and I was the one to make their dreams come true. I still had no clue the mic was turned on, since I was in the booth alone, whispering to myself, repeating lines, reprimanding myself when I said something wrong, then trying again and again until it sounded perfect. I was just about to lose my mind when I saw everything come together, all completed, ready to go, just waiting for the guys to sing their parts and decided it couldn’t hurt to sing it one time, by myself, the whole way through, chorus and all verses, just for the fun of it. I did so and then clapped for myself because it had taken me so long to achieve my goal, but I was also really proud of what I had accomplished and couldn’t wait to show the guys.

I jumped up and rushed out of the door, tripping on something and falling headfirst towards the ground, but never made it because JK caught me and spun me around in a giant hug, then turned me around in front of his body and showed me how all the guys were actually sitting by the sound booth, now clapping for me, while I felt like dying of embarrassment and JK hugged me from behind, making sure I could not run away. Yoongi was at the board, intensely focused on the buttons, but everyone else was by the sound booth, which I could not believe. “Now we know why Joon wanted you here. You are not ordinary like I thought. I am so proud to know you,” Jin said, coming over to me and patting my head, which I should have been mad about, but I know he’s afraid of girls, so I was actually impressed that he even touched me in the first place. Jimin came rushing over, pulled me away from JK and hugged me, then exclaimed, “I know you made a part for all of us, and I am so happy to know you!”

I just nodded, as Tae also squeezed and spun me and said something similar, then J-Hope did the same thing and I was beginning to get dizzy from all the spinning and hugging and excitement and loudness, which was also bothering Yoongi, who was still trying to concentrate on something, so Joon quickly sent the five loud ones upstairs and gave Yoongi some peace- then he stood in front of me, asking, “Are you ok? I have been worried all day about you because you never left the booth for anything. We didn’t see you eat food or drink water, and I want to make sure you are ok?”

I had not even thought about those things in hours, the realization just hitting me, which Joon saw, as I explained, “When I’m hyper focused on a project, I forget about time, eating, drinking, sleeping, etc. until I am done. I am sorry I worried you Joon, but I really did need to finish that song for you. I don’t want to disappoint you and make you regret inviting me to stay here.” I was exhausted, hungry, dehydrated and now tears sprang to my eyes, catching Joon off guard, but also reminding him that his job was important too- looking after me while I was with them. I did remind him a lot of Yoongi, who also gets hyper focused and forgets to take care of himself, but maybe that’s how artists work- no matter the genre they are involved in. Joon knew how to help me now, so he told Yoongi to let him know if he needed anything, then led me upstairs. It was already 7pm, which I could not believe, but it was true, so Joon quickly gave me some water, which I drank rather quickly, while he was searching for something quick to make me and Yoongi to eat.

Luckily, JK saw Joon in the kitchen and kicked him out before he could destroy anything, which made me laugh and helped me forget about my tears and how tired (mentally) I truly was. JK asked me to help him, so I chopped some meat and veggies, him distracting me by making jokes, playing with my hair, hugging me, or tickling me, which was actually quite helpful. When the food was done, he took one part to Yoongi downstairs, then he gave me some and ate the third part himself, since he was always hungry. I laughed at how fast he could eat, whereas I was super slow and careful since I was trying to avoid burning my tongue. I was also feeling more and more sleepy as I got fuller and fuller, so in the end, JK had to finish my food too because I literally fell asleep holding the chopsticks.

Joon led me down the hall, the same way he had the night before, then told me to get ready for bed and he would be back to check on me. I did the same routine as the night before, but this time, I stumbled from the bathroom after my shower, not even wasting time on brushing my hair, then planned to dive into bed, but I couldn’t because there were already two bodies there-Jimin and J-Hope- because they claimed this bed was softer than theirs were. I was too tired to argue and just stood there, unsure of what to do, my brain unable to process any difficult decisions. Luckily, Joon showed up at that exact moment and gently guided me out of that room and into another one, where nobody was in bed. I was so happy when he pulled the blanket back and helped me lay down and I cheered, which made him laugh! He went to the other side of the bed and sat next to me, but I turned towards him and asked to hold his hand while I fell asleep, which he could not deny, so he ended up next to me, facing me, just watching me sleep, wondering how in the world he happened to get lucky enough to meet me.

Sometime after I was asleep, Yoongi showed Joon what he had been working on, a backtrack of the song with my voice used as an echo, so theirs would blend over the top when they sang their parts, but mine would weave it all together. Joon was so excited to sing their parts, he started asking the others if they wanted to just record it tonight, while I was asleep, so they could surprise me in the morning. With Yoongi’s help, they all recorded their parts, and he edited them so amazingly that it sounded like it had taken months to prepare, but it really hadn’t. When I woke up in the morning, Joon was next to me this time, with his arm around me, my head on his shoulder, and my hand grasping his shirt on his chest. I had no recollection of how this cuddle had happened, but I didn’t hate it. On my other side was Yoongi, who was happily sleeping with his arms parallel to my back, touching me, but also not really cuddling, which I knew was his way of showing me he cared, but not romantically, which I respected a lot.

I was just looking around, unsure of what time it was, or when they had fallen asleep, when I realized Joon was also awake, his eyes watching me, a different smile on his face, one that I had not seen before, so I worried I had done something wrong and bit my lip as I looked up at his handsome face. He gently traced my lips with his fingers and asked what was wrong, since he noticed I do that when I’m worried about something. I sighed, then whispered, “I was worried I did something wrong because of the way you were looking at me before.” He shook his head and replied quietly, “No, I was just admiring how cute and happy you look in the morning and enjoying the fact that you let me cuddle you last night. I actually got the best night of sleep I’ve had in a long time, thanks to you. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I am grateful for every moment we spend together. That’s what I was thinking about.”

I had no response other than to blink up at him, which he found amusing and rolled out of bed, then pulled me up into a hug and buried his face in my hair, whispering, “You have no idea how powerful your charms are, do you? Do you even realize how adorable and cute you really are? If only you could see yourself the way I see you!” I had no idea what he was talking about, but my cheeks were very aware of him sneaking in compliments, so since I was blushing so hard, I hid my face in his neck, which he didn’t mind at all and actually silently laughed about. He let me stay hidden for a few minutes, then he let go and took my hand, sneaking out of the room and allowing Yoongi to continue sleeping.

I went to the bathroom in the hallway while he used the one in the guest room, noticing that nobody else was awake, so we could enjoy our coffee/tea alone. Once we were sitting outside, starting our day, he said, “JJ, I need to be honest with you, even if it ruins our friendship. The real reason I wanted to invite you here is because I knew there was something very unique about you from the moment we spoke on the phone, and I couldn’t allow myself to miss an opportunity to see for myself. I am so glad I trusted my instincts because look how everything has turned out- you have way more natural abilities than you led me to believe and you are clearly a hidden gem that nobody has discovered yet. How can you be so attractive without even trying? Do you know how many times people try to use us for our fame or money? You do not care about either of those things, which makes you extremely valuable and rare. The fact that you treat us the same way you do everyone else is a testament to your strong character and morals, which is attractive as well.”

I pretended to be hyper focused on my tea, to hide my face, but he already knew that trick, so he waited patiently for me to answer, “Joon, I don’t know how to respond because I don’t know if I will ever view myself the way you guys do, especially you. I trust you and value your thoughts, but how can you say I am attractive when you only met me two days ago? Doesn’t it take longer than that to like someone?” He laughed and patted my leg, then held my hand and replied, “I know you might not believe it, but it’s true. If you really want me to prove my point, I will ask all the guys what they think and I believe you will be shocked at their responses, because even though we all have different opinions, we can agree on one thing- a female who likes us for being ourselves is extremely attractive, especially if she also likes the other members, which you do.” I was not willing to risk that amount of embarrassment, so I quickly conceded, “Ok, you win Joon. I have to agree with you, but I do not have to agree that it’s in the best interest of the group. I am just a distraction, and I would never risk the success of the group for something as selfish as my own happiness. I’m pretty sure it’s written into my contract that I cannot develop romantic feelings for any of the members anyway, so that solves that.”

He shook his head and laughed again, clearly planning to test my theory, whether I liked it or not, and I knew I was in for a heap of trouble with him. We finished our mugs and then Joon took my hand and led me downstairs, wanting to show me something as surprise, which I was thankful for, as it distracted him and gave me time to think of an escape plan. Apparently, Yoongi had been up all night, recording everyone, including himself, then put the voices together and finished the song, so when Joon played it for me, I was completely blown away by how talented Yoongi was- the song sounded so good! Joon saw me trying to hide the few tears that slipped out, a mixture of being exhausted and proud at the same time, and wiped them off my cheeks, saying, “Can you believe all this was your idea? How can you say you don’t have any hidden talents when the proof is literally right here?”

I could only nod my head and stare at Joon, as I was overwhelmed with so many emotions, I didn’t know which one to act on. He seemed to understand and played the song again for me, helping me make up my own mind- I would choose to be proud of the hard work everyone had put into it and celebrate that! “Joon, now that one song is done, how many more do you need me to write? I’m worried I will run out of time…” I commented, showing my worries as I looked up into his calm face. He touched both my cheeks and answered, “Actually, whatever you create in the next six days will be amazing, but we really only needed the one major song from you- now we need help with the English versions, so we can sing them correctly, so you can relax if you want.”

I shook my head, which he expected and laughed, knowing I was not going to give up that easily, just because he had told me to. Thankfully, a distraction showed up at that exact moment in the form of Jimin, so I was able to turn the attention to someone else. “Jimin! I heard your vocals, and they sound amazing! You are so lucky you can sing any song you want, any time you want!” He stared at me, took a sip of his coffee, then flipped his long, wild hair and replied, “Yes, I do have a gift for singing and I am so glad you noticed it. Now we will be best friends for life, and I will sing for you anytime you want.” I laughed because he was being super dramatic, but then when I stood up to walk across the room, he randomly sang, “JJ wants to run away, but JK will be here to play…” I could not walk anymore because I was laughing too hard, which is when I noticed JK standing on the bottom step, half asleep, trying to figure out what was happening, but also grinning because he heard his name. Jimin continued, “Joon is done with us all, he wants to bang his head on wall…”

Once I saw Joon’s face, which actually did look annoyed as he rolled his eyes, I couldn’t breathe anymore and that’s when JK ran over and swung me around, almost hitting Jimin’s coffee mug, which caused Jimin to sing loudly, “Hey, do not hit my coffee, it was made just for me…” JK was now laughing with me, Jimin was trying desperately to continue his song, Joon was attempting to find his patience, and that’s when Jin showed up, creating more chaos that I even thought possible by one human. “Jin is here to save the day, let us see what he will say…” Jimin continued, barely able to get the words out now. Jin had no idea what he was walking into but apparently was used to their hijinks because he immediately threw his arms out and declared, “I am here to do my best!”

Jin then rushed over and grabbed JK, who was still holding me, which led Jimin to set his mug down and rush over to join the pile up, wrapping his arms around the other side of me, squishing me like the middle of an Oreo cookie. I could not calm down on my own, that much was obvious, they were just too funny and sweet, so after a few more minutes of chaos, Joon stepped in and began unwrapping arms and legs, until he got me safely out of the middle and told everyone to go upstairs. I quickly followed the others upstairs and began helping Jin, Jimin, and JK in the kitchen, since Yoongi was still asleep and deserved to be spoiled today. We made a really good team, since I am good at following directions, so we had breakfast ready pretty quickly, which made J-Hope and Tae wander out, surprised to see me in the kitchen, but happy about it just the same.

Breakfast seemed to be their quiet meal of the day, since most of them are still half asleep, so I ate silently, just watching, trying to keep myself calm and quiet while I observed, even though sometimes it was very difficult. Joon sat across from me and kept raising his eyebrow every time I covered my face, so I kept shaking my head to tell him to ignore me, which nobody else noticed, thankfully. When everyone was done, I helped clear the table and was just going to start washing the dishes when JK insisted he wanted to wash, but I could dry, which was obviously fine with me, so we worked as a team and got things handled super-fast. I then let them do their own things while I ran down the hall to get dressed, now that nobody was in the room with my suitcase, or so I thought. I was sitting in front of my suitcase, trying to decide which shirt to wear, when I felt like I was being watched, so I spun around, and sure enough, Tae was sitting on the bed, just watching me. He came over and sat next to me, then said, “I see how you treat us with kindness, and I like it. I see how you make us happy, and I like it. I see how you hide your talents, but I do not understand. Why do you not want others to know?” I sighed, then replied, “You know how it was when you guys first started performing, right? Not many people noticed or cared, some said you wouldn’t make it, some didn’t like your music…? I am afraid of failure because nobody knows who I am or what I am capable of, so if they never find out, I cannot ever fail, right?” He reached over and patted my leg, then said, “If you never try, how can you know success? What if you are brave and others see your true heart? Would that be worth it?”

Oh, he was hitting me with the words of wisdom first thing in the morning, and I didn’t have a good excuse, so I shrugged and just looked back into his caring face. “I have a favor to ask of you- would you consider writing me a song, just for me? I want to share it with someone special, but the words don’t make sense when I write them down, unlike yours,” he responded, almost whispering, so I guessed it was a secret. I nodded, very much into his idea and asked if there was anything he specifically wanted me to mention, like looks, personality, shared memories, etc. He shook his head and said he wanted it to be whatever my heart told me to write but make sure it was about caring deeply for someone who doesn’t know yet. I squeezed his hand and promised to do my best, then asked if I could have him help me with the music, since I can’t do that on my own and he was so excited he clapped and hugged me, accidentally knocking me backwards, which made us both laugh, which is how Joon found us when he walked in a few moments later.

“Are you busy?” Joon asked, towering over Tae and I as we lay laughing on the floor. We instantly sat up and Tae disappeared from the room, winking at me as he did, so I turned to face Joon and replied, “Nope, not anymore. Can I help you?” He knelt down beside me, then asked, “Would you like to do something outside the house today, if we can promise to keep you a secret?” I looked into his eyes, very suspiciously, then answered, “Maybe, but I am not sure I trust your judgement…” He smiled and promised, “It would be something where nobody would even know you existed, something far away from the city.” I asked what he was talking about, and he said there was a zipline and obstacle course place about an hour away that had been available all afternoon just for them, if I wanted to join the members and participate. He promised I would not be in any photos or videos; it would be like I wasn’t actually with them at all.

I reluctantly agreed, then quickly chose one of my sun shirts from the suitcase, since it might be outside and I cannot risk getting sunburnt. I fixed my hair and put some shorts on, then found the guys in the living room, all talking excitedly about the fun they would have. Yoongi was missing, but apparently, he was staying behind because he had been up all night and nobody felt it was fair to wake him. I snuck into the room where he was sleeping and left a little note next to his hand, so he would see it when he first woke up- thank you for believing in me! When I got back to the living room, everyone else was ready, so we headed down to the garage. We had to take both SUVs this time because we had camera staff with us, so then the issue became who got to sit next to me… I did not care, since I think they are all hilarious and sweet, but they had to turn it into a competition with a rock, paper, scissors contest and when Jimin and Tae won, JK threw a fake tantrum that Jin copied and I solved it by saying I would sit with them on the way back, so they calmed right down, luckily.

Jin, JK, and J-Hope rode in the first SUV, while I rode with Joon, Tae, and Jimin in the second one, with us three in the very back seat, Joon in the middle with a staff, and two more staff in the front seats. Jimin and Tae kept me pretty busy, making me laugh, trying to teach me Korean, making me do silly facial expressions, etc. but every time Joon looked back at me, I got nervous because he seemed to be serious about something, which worried me. When we arrived, we all climbed out, Joon helping me, so I didn’t fall, and then we had to follow the staff to a special room for the gear we had to wear. The staff said I would dress exactly like the guys, but I would be away from them, so nobody would ever know I was there, which JK and Tae immediately argued about, wanting to have fun with me on the obstacle course, so Joon stepped in and found a compromise- while they had to film, I would not participate in the same area, or make any noise, but once the filming was done, they could all join me and play together.

It seemed fair to me and since I was not super confident in the obstacle course anyway, I was happy to do the other activities by myself, quietly, to build up my confidence. I was dressed in the same bright green jumpsuit and harness as everyone else but was having trouble with the helmet because I couldn’t tighten the straps by myself, when Joon saw me struggling and came over to help. “You know we want to include you, but we also need to protect your identity like I promised, right?” He told me, as he adjusted the helmet for me. I nodded, then he continued, “I just wanted to make sure you understood why I had to agree to exclude you for a little while, because it is not because we want to- it is because we have to fulfill our obligations and protect you at the same time.” I nodded again, looking up at him, seeing how worried he was about what I would think. “Joon, it’s ok- I understand your reasons and respect the tough decisions you always have to make. I am sorry for being a nuisance today,” I said quietly, as he plunked the helmet onto my head gently.

He clipped the buckle, made sure the straps were tight enough now, then squished both my cheeks in his hands and said, “You are not a nuisance to anybody, ever, and one day I am going to make you see how amazing you truly are.” Then he hugged me and ran back over to the group, so they could get their filming done. I was not sure about his words, but headed to the ropes course area anyway, staying as far away from them as possible. For two hours they did all the activities, while I chose things on the opposite side of the area, or simply stayed behind the cameras, which was easy to do because I was also working on Tae’s song in my mind, so I was plenty distracted.

When they finished, we all headed over to the ziplines, which were amazing and I loved flying through the air with them, all of us screaming and laughing loudly! Next, we did the ropes course and although I got tangled several times, they never let me fall, which I was thankful for. Finally, we had to complete the climbing course, which had ladders, wooden bridges, slides, nets, and a pole at the end to slide down. I was doing great at first, no problems on the ladders or the bridge, since I love heights, but when I got to the slides, I went down a little too fast and flew off the end, slamming into the wall that was holding the net for the next part of the course. I was still strapped into the harness, my helmet did a great job, but I knew something was wrong with my left arm when I tried to pull myself up by the net and fell down in pain. Jin was the first to reach me and knew something was wrong, so he called for everyone to stay off the slides, to avoid hurting me by sliding down anymore. He carefully helped me stand, which was hard because the floor was a squishy cushion, but he led me around the net and to the pole, then told me to climb on his back, so he could slide down with me.

I was in so much pain I could not argue, nor did I realize what a big deal it was for Jin to be helping me, a girl, which he normally does not like being close to at all. Once we reached the bottom, he set me down on the floor and called to the staff, letting them know I was hurt. The staff came over and unhooked my harness, took off the helmet, and carried me to the medical area, where they x-rayed my arm. By then, all of the members were down, crowding around me, just watching me lie there is total agony, not being able to help in any way. Luckily, it wasn’t broken, but I had dislocated my shoulder, which is why I was in so much pain. There was a doctor on site, part of their contract to keep visitors safe, so she was able pop my shoulder back into place without needing a hospital, then placed my arm in a sling and said I would not be able to use it for a couple of weeks. I tried so hard not to scream when she pushed my shoulder back in place, that my knuckles turned white from squeezing the edge of the table I was laying on.

After that, it felt a little better, but the pain was so intense I could only let the silent tears fall down my cheeks as everyone talked about what to do next. I felt like I was invisible, with everyone talking about me, but not bothering to actually look at me, except JK, who was also crying, seeing how badly I was hurt. Once I saw his face, I knew I had to be brave, to set a good example, so I reached my right hand out for him to hold, and once he did, I squeezed his hand, letting him know I would be tough just for him. Our time was clearly over, so they all changed out of the jumpsuits, but I was still in mine, until Jin came over and offered to help, which shocked me. I was just sitting on a bench, unable to do anything for myself, when he approached me and said, “I will help you now because when you fell, I saw your pain and it caused me pain in my heart also. You are like family to us, so I can never let you be in pain alone. You almost broke our hearts when you fell.”

I nodded, half delirious from the pain, and allowed him to attempt to unzip the jumpsuit, but since I had the sling on now, nothing would work properly and he ended up getting JK involved, who wanted to just rip the jumpsuit open, but luckily J-Hope stepped in and managed to carefully get everything unstuck and with them all working on the jumpsuit (and keeping my shoulder from moving) we finally got it off and I was thankful. I could barely stand at this point, which they all saw, so JK solved the problem by picking me up and carrying me directly to one of the SUVs, calling out to the others to tell them what he was doing. I just wrapped my good right arm around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder, focusing on his steps to distract me. He gently set me down and climbed in next to me on my right side, clearly unwilling to abandon me in my time of need. He buckled me in and then held my hand in his, so I could lean on his shoulder, as he said, “I am sorry for your hurt. I wish I could take it away.”

I squeezed his hand and just closed my eyes, trying hard not to think about my shoulder for a moment. Jin suddenly appeared and sat on my other side, wanting to make sure I didn’t move that arm because he didn’t want me to have any more pain. He patted my leg, then assured me he would make sure I never got hurt again, which I appreciated, but knew wasn’t actually possible. I was surprised to find that J-Hope, Jimin, and Tae all ended up sitting behind me, with Joon taking the front passenger seat- they made the rest of the staff ride in the other SUV, so they could all be near me, which was the sweetest thing on the planet to me and I wished I could tell them, but I couldn’t speak just yet. Joon saw the pain in my eyes and soon, they were singing to me, not their usual songs, but songs they knew outside of the music industry, traditional songs, or nursery rhymes, just to distract me and cheer me up. It worked because I had to smile at their efforts- it was incredibly thoughtful.

Finally, we made it home at 7pm and I was clearly not doing well, which confused Yoongi when he saw us enter the door from the garage, me being carried by JK again, my arm in a sling, the others hovering over me like protectors. I knew I needed pain meds before I could do anything, so I told JK to bring me to my suitcase, which he did, then gently set me down, making sure I was on the floor before he let go, so I couldn’t fall over. Apparently, while I had been semi-conscious on the ride home, they had all taken turns deciding how they would make sure I was never alone so I couldn’t injure myself further. I had no idea they had been planning this, or I would have strongly objected, but it was too late now… JK didn’t know what I was looking for, so he just sat next to me, watching my right hand dig around until I found the Tylenol I had packed. I showed him, then he understood and called to Jin, who brought me water. I quickly took the meds and then pointed to the bathroom- I wanted to shower after being in the heat all afternoon. Jin and JK quickly had an argument about what to do- then they called for Joon, since they couldn’t agree. Jin said I should not be allowed to shower because I might fall, but JK said I should be fine, as long as someone was nearby to help. Joon thought for a moment, then decided, “Ok, she can shower, but one of us will need to sit in there, with an eye mask on, to help if she falls.” Jin and JK accepted his answer, then ran to get the eye masks they had.

While they were gone, Joon asked, “Is there anything you want to eat, so I can get it ready when you finish showering?” I shook my head, not saying anything, just looking up into his eyes with every ounce of strength I had left, which caused him to drop to his knees next to me, take my cheeks in his hands, and whisper, “I would do anything to take away your pain if I could. It breaks my heart to see you suffer when you did nothing to deserve this.” I could only stare back at him, not trusting my voice yet, which is when Jimin, JK, Jin, and Tae all rushed in, waving sleep masks wildly around, proclaiming they were all going to make sure I didn’t fall while I was in the shower. Thankfully, Joon could see chaos a mile away and quickly shut their plan down- he would only allow Yoongi to supervise me, since he was the only one calm enough to complete such an important task. Joon told the others to go make me a delicious dinner, which they all thought was a great idea, so they stampeded back out to the kitchen loudly, leaving me alone with Joon once more.

Joon called for Yoongi to come into the room, told him the plan, and Yoongi agreed, as long as he could eat his oranges while he sat in the room. Normally, that would have made me laugh, but I just stared at Yoongi, my eyes searching for something unknown, which made him feel bad for not going with us, but Joon assured him that he couldn’t have stopped my accident anyway, so there was no need to feel guilty. Yoongi got his orange pieces in a bowl, picked up one of the sleep masks the others had tossed on the floor, put it on like a headband (not covering his eyes), then sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for further instructions. I appreciated that about Yoongi- he didn’t make a big deal about things- he just did what needed to be done and handle it like a pro.

Now I knew why Joon had chosen Yoongi to supervise me. I let Joon help me up and guide me to the bathroom, with my clean pjs and he told me to tell Yoongi when it was ok to enter- he wanted me to still have some privacy at least, which I was grateful for. The hard part was going to be the sling, since it could not get wet, so Joon took it off as carefully as possible, but still made me whimper in pain, which he was deeply sorry for. I did not blame him at all. He left and closed the door, I got myself prepared and ready for the shower, then told Yoongi it was fine- he entered and sat on the counter, happily eating the oranges, just ignoring me mostly, letting me decide if I wanted to speak or not, then when I was done, he left, allowing me to get out and dry off, dress, and call for him when I needed help with the sling again. He gently helped me get it back on, then saw how much it hurt, and he told me how guilty he was feeling about not being there when I got hurt. I told him the same thing Joon had, but he still felt bad.

He helped me get toothpaste, so I could brush, then he followed me out of the bathroom and made sure I got into the bed. Once I was lying down, he covered me with a blanket and rubbed my cheek, telling me to call him if I needed anything, since he would most likely be awake all night again. I nodded but knew I would not be doing any such thing- he was too nice to me as it was, and he had more important things to do than look after me. I was alone at last, or so I thought, so I could finally let myself feel all the emotions I had been holding back since I got hurt. I was lying on my right side, curled up, silently crying to myself when I felt someone climb into the other side of the bed. It was too late to hide my tears, so I looked up to see who it was and once I saw Joon’s worried eyes staring back at me, it was over. I knew I would not be able to keep anything to myself anymore- I was just so done. Poor Joon did not anticipate my tears and had no clue what to do until I used my right hand to hold onto the front of his shirt, forcing him to scoot closer until he was only inches away.

I was too upset to speak still, but Joon clearly had something on his mind, so he put his forehead up against mine and said, “Please forgive me for not protecting you and keeping you safe, even though I promised I would. I have broken your trust, and I am truly sorry.” I blinked at him, tears everywhere, and I guess that was the wrong move because he pulled me even closer, wrapped his arms around me (not touching my left arm) and whispered, “I will never stop trying to earn your trust back for as long as I live.” I did not answer and continued to cry until I was asleep, which Joon only realized because my right hand let go of his shirt. He moved back and saw my eyes closed, tears still wet on my cheeks, dark circles under my eyes, and just knew he had to protect me from ever getting hurt again because seeing me like this was torturing him. He stayed with me all night, even when I woke up crying in pain, which he was not expecting and had actually scared him, but once I took more pain meds, I was easily managed and soon fell back asleep in his arms.

The next morning, I did not wake up super early, which Joon was glad for, since I had woken up twice in pain and neither one of us had gotten any actual restful sleep. He was still cuddling me, with JK on my other side, snoring away, when Yoongi walked in and gently woke Joon up, saying he needed to come talk to one of the staff members about something important. Joon was half asleep but followed Yoongi anyway, having no idea what was happening. Once he was in the living room, Yoongi told him that one of the staff members from yesterday had decided to breach his contract and film me anyway, even though he was not supposed to. This staff member was currently being sent back to Korea for a disciplinary hearing, but the issue was the footage he had recorded- they didn’t know if he had tried to sell it or delete it or what…

Joon was wide awake now, realizing this meant my identity might have been exposed, the one thing Joon had promised me would not happen during this trip. He sat on the couch, his head in his hands, in complete panic mode- how could he break his promise to protect me and keep me safe twice within 24 hours? How was he going to face me after I had endured so much pain because of them already? He was so upset he did not notice me quietly walking out, then sitting next to him, gently reaching over to place my good hand on his back and say, “Joon, whatever is wrong we can face together.” He quickly looked up at me, saw my clueless face smiling up at him, then put his head back down and said, “No, you have no idea what has happened and it’s not something easily fixed. I think you should leave before I cause anything else to go wrong- it was a bad idea for you to come visit.”

Joon got up quickly and disappeared down the hall, leaving me staring at Yoongi, completely flustered and confused- he had never used that tone of voice with me before. Yoongi then sat next to me and told me what had happened, which caused me to start crying again, so poor Yoongi tried to comfort me, but wasn’t sure how when Jimin appeared, thank goodness. He saw my tears and came right over, found out what had happened, then how Joon had reacted, and knew why I was upset. Jimin is great at comforting people, so Yoongi let him handle me while he went to speak with Joon. Unfortunately, Joon would not change his mind and was absolutely convinced he was bad luck for me when I was near him, so he refused to leave the room unless I left.

I spent the rest of the day downstairs with Yoongi, working on Tae’s song, which actually  turned out to be more of my own song, since I was writing from my broken heart at the time- I was so sad about Joon avoiding me and wanting nothing to do with me anymore when I felt like we had such a great connection. When I was done with the lyrics, Tae created the music easily, feeling the strong emotions in my words, saying it was perfect- then Yoongi helped him record it in secret.

During this time, Jin, J-Hope, Jimin, and JK had also asked me to write songs for them, but I was short on time, so I knew it wouldn’t be possible. I suggested we focus more on the songs for their concerts, since it’s always fun to debut new songs for fans when they least expect it! They liked this idea, and knew I was sad, so JK and Jin spent all day trying to make me laugh and making sure I took pain meds for my arm. Sometime in the afternoon a doctor came to check on me, making sure the sling was not causing more harm to my shoulder. I did not want a giant cast, so I agreed to a plastic brace, which was annoying, but removable, as a compromise. Now I really only had one good arm, and the guys took such good care of me, just like family. We worked together until dinner, then we took a break to eat and just relax, while they played games. Yoongi saw me getting sleepy, so he made sure JK helped me get what I needed for my shower, then brought his oranges down the hall again, just like the night before, which worked like a charm, since I now needed help removing the plastic brace and the sling.

Once I was in my pjs and ready for bed, Yoongi walked over to the bed and covered me up, then told me, “I know it was you that gave me the note yesterday. That was very sweet of you to think of me and I appreciate it. I like having you here with us to share our happiness.” I smiled and squeezed his hand, then closed my eyes and fell asleep almost immediately. Once I was asleep, Joon came in to check on me, kneeling down in front of me, just watching me sleep, whispering, “How can I even go near you when every time I do it causes you pain somehow? Your shoulder is my fault and so is the footage of you climbing with us. I should have been able to keep you safe and protect you. I am a terrible person.”

“You know that’s not true. You did everything you could to keep her safe. How could you know the staff would act like that? How could you know the slide would be so slippery? How can you beat yourself up over things you could not control?” Joon looked up and saw Jin, who had wandered in when he saw Joon watching over me. Jin saw Joon’s sad eyes and patted his back, then added, “By the way, you cannot avoid her forever or she will never see your true heart. She was so sad today because she blames herself for your actions. You need to tell her the truth before it’s too late.” Joon didn’t answer, trying to ignore Jin’s words because he knew Jin was right and he didn’t like it. Jin wandered back out of the room, leaving Joon alone with me once again. He was so tempted to cuddle me again that he almost lifted the blanket but was still afraid of hurting me even more if he did so, so instead, he kissed my forehead and held one of my hands.

JK and Tae had decided they were going to cuddle me that night and thankfully they appeared soon after, so Joon knew I would be well looked after all night. Joon left me with them, smiling to himself, then went to find Yoongi downstairs. Yoongi shared the song I had written for Tae, telling him he didn’t think it was entirely just for that purpose, since I had written it after Joon had been avoiding me all day. Yoongi shared his suspicion (about me) with Joon, who shook his head and tried to argue, but it’s impossible to argue with Yoongi when he has evidence backing up his words, and Joon finally just had to ask, “What should I do now? Have I messed things up so badly that she will never forgive me? Have I used all my chances to make her understand how much she means to me?” He held his head in his hands, distraught, hoping somehow a wise person would appear and give him directions on exactly what to do…

Yoongi patted his back and suggested, “You know she basically wrote that song about her feelings for you, so the easiest solution would be to write a song sharing your feelings for her. I will help you and I bet the others will too, if you want.” Joon looked up, shocked that such an answer had evaded him, then smiled- yes, that would be the perfect way for him to fix this mess he had created! They started working right away, but Yoongi had to remind Joon that rushing something doesn’t mean it will be great; taking your time and doing it right will end in a better result. Joon was impatient, but knew Yoongi was right, so he had to agree with his advice this time.

I woke up early the next morning to find myself in the middle of a JK and Tae sandwich, which was becoming very normal for me now, especially JK’s snoring, so I carefully snuck out from under the blanket and went into the bathroom. I didn’t realize my arm would hurt so much from doing simple tasks, like washing my hands, or brushing my hair, so I took a few deep breaths and then brought my brush and a hair tie with me, on the search for someone who was awake and might be able to help.

I quietly went out to the kitchen- nobody. Living room- empty. Balcony- also empty. Ugh, I was getting desperate, so I went downstairs hoping for just one person… I got lucky! Yoongi was still awake, working hard on something, when he saw me and covered something he had been holding, then made a hand motion, like he was pushing something down quickly, so I turned to look behind me, but didn’t see anything (or anyone), so I assumed he was just stretching. He helped me get a ponytail as fast as possible, which surprised me, because he normally doesn’t seem like he wants me to leave him alone, but for some reason, I was getting that vibe from him this morning.

When he said it looked ok, I took my brush and thanked him, then went to the stairs, but paused on the bottom step, now very suspicious of him. “It’s safe now, she’s gone,” I heard him say, then a whisper from someone who had been hiding, but I couldn’t tell who because I was too far away. Oh man, too bad I couldn’t find out! I sighed and continued upstairs, knowing I should focus on making my day better than the one before, for the sake of the rest of the members.

I made some tea, then grabbed my notebook and started writing my thoughts down, just randomly, which is how Jin and J-Hope found me a little while later. Jin asked to see and once he had read my random words, showed J-Hope, but they wanted to turn them into a song. “Guys, not everything I write must be a song, you know that right? Sometimes writers just make notes to help themselves feel less anxious, worried, or stressed if they are upset,” I quickly told them. Both guys disagreed, saying if notes are as good as mine, they should be turned into songs because you never know how they might impact listeners and help someone who is struggling with the same issues. I had never considered that, so I paused, looked at both of their handsome and caring faces, then nodded- they were actually right.

The problem with my random notes is that nothing goes together, since I am usually writing how I feel or what is bothering me, without any worry about rhyming or stanzas or any real organization at all, which they both knew they could help me with easily. I could see how excited they were getting, so I went with it- no sense in raining on their happy parade! We sat for a while, then went inside to start breakfast, since I told them Yoongi was downstairs still working. While we cooked, Jimin joined us, saw my words, and started piecing phrases together, so by the end, he had basically made a song about feeling defeated by setbacks, but never giving up and finally having a breakthrough, which is what he wanted to title it. I was shocked at how easily the three of them had taken my random ideas and turned them into something so beautiful and poetic without a second thought.

When JK and Tae joined us, they listened to the others, agreed with them, made a few changes, then joined in the singing while eating. After the food was done, while I was washing dishes with Jin, Tae, Jimin, JK, and J-Hope used the keyboard to create the melody and beat for the song, which ended up being so wonderful I paused my scrubbing to listen to. Jin saw my eyes widen in disbelief, then when I looked up at him, he said, “Yes, we can do things together that make other people happy, thanks to you this time. You have a happy heart like ours and it matches us easily.” I smiled and blushed- that was a huge compliment coming from Jin, who three days ago was afraid of me. When we were done, he made sure I took some pain meds because my arm was hurting again.

The guys wanted to record the song downstairs, but I was really nervous about going down there, so JK asked me why and I told him about that morning, but he told me not to worry- nobody could ever be mad at me! I wanted to believe him, but was still worried, so he came over and carefully hugged me, not hurting my arm at all, then took my good hand and led me downstairs, cheerfully humming the whole time, until we reached the bottom of the stairs to see the rooms all empty.

Apparently, Joon and Yoongi had snuck upstairs while we were in the kitchen and were now asleep. I was so relieved I spun around to face JK and would have jumped into his arms, if he hadn’t held his hands up to stop me, saying, “No JJ! Your arm gets hurt by me!” I froze, frowned, then looked up into his worried face and said, “Ok, no jumping today, but can you spin me around instead, just carefully?” His face lit up and just as he was about to grab me, Jin stepped in the middle and said sternly, “No touching her arm. No wildness. Only safety.”

I dropped my eyes to the floor, knowing I had caused the trouble, but JK wasn’t mad- he laughed and told Jin, “She has hurt arm, but she also has wild heart.” Jin sighed, clearly not prepared to handle any shenanigans, then took my good arm and guided me over to the couch, pointing at it so I would sit down. I did so, then waited for him to give me instructions again, knowing I had to listen to him, or I would lose the trust we had just built up. J-Hope also knows how to record, so he was able to help the guys get their parts done in the sound booths, but he needed Yoongi for the rest, so we could only work for a few hours without his help, which was enough time for Jin to tell me not to do at least five things (no jumping up, no sitting on the floor, no laying down on the floor, no tickling, and no playing games) while he watched me like a hawk.

To be fair, I was not the one who usually started the shenanigans, but I always tried to join in because it was impossible to ignore the others who looked like they were having so much fun without me. Jin took my safety very seriously and was acting like my bodyguard, stopping anyone who came near me, which also amused me because before he would only pat my head from far away, but today he was sitting right next to me, constantly asking how my arm felt, and asking if I needed anything. He was actually super sweet when you got to know him, which I had discovered only after I had earned his trust.

When it was time for lunch, he guided me upstairs and made me sit at the table, not allowing me to help with anything, which caused me to roll my eyes and make a silly face behind his back, which JK saw and immediately tried to cover a giggle, which set off J-Hope and Jimin, then Tae got involved and when Jin turned to face me, I tried to look innocent, but was obviously guilty, so he scolded me and even though I didn’t understand his words, I knew exactly what he meant by his tone of voice and apologized immediately. He shook his head and started bossing the others around, then gave up and went back to being his usual happy self and let everyone help make lunch, except me. Eating was just about the only thing I could still do on my own, since I am right-handed and could still hold the chopsticks, so when I took the first bite, I cheered, which everyone copied, not sure why, but still happy to be included.

After lunch I asked them if they had ever been to a playground or park at night, where you could play and see the stars at the same time. Once they knew what I was talking about, they became excited, except Jin, who told me, “If you play in the dark, you will get hurt and I will be in charge of your safety.” I sighed, knowing he was right, but tried to think of a compromise that he would agree to. Just then, Joon and Yoongi came out to eat some food, since they had slept for several hours, and I was so happy to see them my face lit up, glancing back and forth from Joon to Yoongi with a giant smile on my face.

Yoongi looked right back at me and asked how my arm was doing, so Jin told him, then Yoongi said he agreed with Jin about not going to the park at night because I might get even more hurt. When I tried to look at Joon, he kept his eyes down, or away from mine, causing me to think I was never going to be his friend again and my eyes filled with tears, which I hid by excusing myself from the table and saying I needed the bathroom. I went down the hall and closed the door, then sat behind it, crying, trying to be silent so nobody would hear me or be worried. I should have remembered what Joon had told me in the beginning- nobody understands privacy because a few minutes later, there was a knock on the door.

I tried telling them I was ok, nothing was wrong, but the way my voice cracked while speaking obviously told another story and a second later, Jimin appeared, with J-Hope and once they saw me sitting on the floor, tears streaming down my cheeks, I knew it was over. They sat with me, being super gentle and careful not to hurt my arm, while I shared my sadness and worries with them. They never judged, never got mad, just listened and tried to encourage me to not give up, which I felt was impossible at this point, since it had been two days since Joon had looked at me or spoken to me. They understood my pain and tried to offer ways to fix the situation but also agreed that I could not make someone act a certain way if they truly didn’t want to.

After about half an hour, they helped me stand up, carefully hugged me, helped me dry my tears, and suggested we go get some fresh air on the balcony, which sounded good to me. They slowly led me out into the living room, where Jin saw me and immediately started getting upset, blaming Jimin and J-Hope for making me cry. I couldn’t stand being the cause of someone else’s punishment, so I stepped right in front of Jin and told him it wasn’t their fault- they had actually come to comfort me while I was hiding in the bathroom, which calmed him right down. He gave me a pat on my good arm and apologized to the other members, then asked where they were taking me, and when Jimin told him we were going to the balcony, he quickly linked his arm in my good one and guided me right outside.

With the three of them telling stories and making jokes, I quickly cheered up and found myself laughing so hard I became like J-Hope and almost fell off the chair, but luckily Jimin caught me, and Jin made me sit next to him after that, so he could act like a seatbelt and stop me from falling down anymore. I really wanted to see the stars, but they would not agree that going to a park at night would be safe for me, so I gave up for now, then decided to ask what they like to do for fun, since going out causes major issues.

J-Hope told me about the dance studio that is nearby, and I wanted to see it, but Jimin and Jin both said no so fast I didn’t even have a chance to give a good reason! We all laughed about that, then Jin explained that the floors are wood, which would hurt a lot if I fell and probably break something, which they didn’t want to risk. I sighed, knowing he was right again. Man, having my arm in a sling was seriously ruining my fun ideas!

Luckily, at that moment, Tae and JK came running outside, both excitedly chatting about something, so I waited for the other three to hear about it, then tell me, so I could be excited to. After a few moments, Jimin said, “We can go to a museum and when it’s dark they have a star gazing place for us!” I covered my mouth in surprise, looking at all of their excited faces, thinking about how amazing that would be, then exclaimed, “Can I go with you guys?” JK started jumping up and down, making excited noises, so I took that to mean yes, and stood up to jump with him, but was instantly surrounded by all of them telling me I wasn’t allowed to jump, which I found hilarious and started a giggle fest that nobody could ignore. Turns out, the museum has a restaurant in the bottom, so we were actually going to the museum to look around, then eat dinner, then see the stars at night. I was so excited to finally be able to do something!

The only bummer was that even though we would be the only group there, I still had to wear my mask and hat, just in case anyone random walked by and recognized BTS and somehow saw me hanging out with them… I was only slightly annoyed because I understood, but also just wanted to be myself with them everywhere we went, which I knew was not actually possible yet. We got ready, then got into one SUV- nobody was filming this adventure, so Yoongi was actually driving us there himself, which I thought was so cool.

Once we arrived, I made sure to keep my mask on and hat covering my hair, while I walked around admiring the historical artifacts, since I love history. I was just slowly making my way from exhibit to exhibit, lost in my own world, not aware I was being watched, when I accidentally turned a corner too fast and tripped on a bench leg. I was certain I was going to fall, but then a strong pair of arms appeared out of nowhere and I found myself being gently pushed upright again, never having hit the floor after all. I turned to face my rescuer and found myself face to face with Joon, who was very concerned about my safety and asking if I was ok, or if I was hurt somewhere else.

I was too shocked to answer, so I shook my head and just stared up at him, unsure of what I should say, other than thank you for saving me. He also just stood there, not speaking, so it was a very awkward two minutes for anyone who happened to be watching. “Are you going to be ok?” he asked, frowning at me and searching my face for any sign of distress. I nodded, then whispered, “Yes, I am fine. How did you manage to save me in time?” He grinned, showing his dimples, then answered, “I was following you the whole time, just waiting for a disaster to happen. I could not risk your safety this time. Please don’t be mad that I followed you- I just wanted to protect you like I said I would.”

I didn’t know how to answer but luckily didn’t have to because someone called my name and I looked away for a second, which is when Joon chose to disappear, leaving me standing there, looking completing confused, wondering what in the world was wrong with me because he literally kept avoiding me. I was now in a bad mood, so I refused to let myself enjoy the rest of the exhibits and found one on Ancient Egypt that was only halfway lit, allowing me to sit on a bench and just stew for a bit, which I desperately needed to do by myself. Unfortunately, that’s when Yoongi found me, so I knew my moping time was over.

He sat next to me, commented on my cranky face, heard why I was upset, then said, “I understand why you might be upset, but can you believe me when I say it will have a happy ending if you can just focus on enjoying tonight with us? I also get upset sometimes, but I know there will be light if I choose to focus on the good around me.” I hated that he was right, so I agreed, then followed him out to where the others were happily chatting while finishing up with the last exhibit. I joined them, pretending to be happy, while noticing Joon stayed as far away from me as possible, always choosing to place others between us so he couldn’t make eye contact with me. I was so anxious and stressed about what I had done to deserve this that I felt physically sick and said I needed the bathroom, then quickly escaped down the hall. Once inside, I had to lay down on the bench near the sinks because I was so dizzy I thought for sure I was going to vomit.

Within two minutes Jin was rushing in, followed by JK, who saw me lying on the bench, extremely pale, having a full-on panic attack, struggling to breathe properly. Jin calmly sat near my legs, propping them on his lap, then told JK to sit near my head. Jin started rubbing my legs, to distract me, while JK made me tell him random things I noticed in the bathroom to help ground myself and stop the panic. I saw the fancy wallpaper, the sparkly metal on the sinks, the glittery ceiling tiles decorated with constellations, the dark blue of the door, and the dark gold of the paper towel holder. Soon, I was able to breathe almost normally, so JK grinned and cheered, then rubbed my good arm, while Jin asked me what had made me so upset.

I was afraid to tell him, since I knew it would create drama amongst them, but he insisted, so I whispered all my self-doubts and worries about why Joon now hated me and wanted me to disappear from his life. He listened quietly, then asked JK what he thought, who instantly said, “How could you think such horrible things about yourself while I am right here? I know your heart and it is the best for us. Anybody who hates you is wrong.” I smiled, appreciating his attempts to cheer me up, then listened as Jin said, “I know you doubt yourself, but think of this- I choose to be friends with you and that means you must be wonderful because I don’t trust many girls these days. You should believe me always.”

I knew he really was trying to make me feel better, so I patted his arm and thanked them both, then said we should get back to the group before anyone else decided to come inside the girls’ bathroom looking for me, which made them laugh. JK helped me sit, then stand slowly, my dizziness not completely gone, so when he asked Jin if he could help me walk if he promised to be extra careful, I was very grateful. Jin only agreed because he could see my paleness and was still worried about me. He held the door open, JK helped me exit, then slowly guided me down the hallway and back into the main lobby area where everyone had been standing. Luckily, they had all moved into the actual dining part, so it would be far less embarrassing for us to enter late. JK was much taller, so walking alongside me was awkward and I guess it annoyed him because he said something to Jin, who nodded, then I was swooped up and brought right to the table and set down in a chair next to Tae, with JK sitting on my other side, Jin sitting across from me, Joon all the way at the other end.

I should have been excited to try new foods, but I was still feeling nauseous and slightly light-headed, so when they began passing food around, I took a few little bits, then politely passed it on, knowing I would not be able to eat much. I pushed the food around the plate and made it seem like I was eating more than I actually was, which I thought was a clever trick, but unfortunately for me, Yoongi has sharp eyes and noticed right away but didn’t tell anyone because they were being loud and having fun, while I was suffering in silence. When the food was taken away, we were led upstairs to the conservatory, where there were air mattresses and blankets laid out, with the ceiling being completely open, the stars extremely beautiful and sparkly. I had insisted on walking up by myself, with JK just holding my good hand, so when he pointed to a place for me to lay, I immediately obeyed, exhausted and unable to continue any further.

He quickly moved me to the middle, then lay on my right side, allowing Jin to lay on my left, to protect my hurt arm and watch me carefully. I was so enthralled by the stars that I forgot about my worries for a while and actually enjoyed myself, seeing how happy everyone was, seeing how beautiful the stars were.

Time flew by and soon it had been two hours, so we needed to leave, since it was way past their usual closing time- they had stayed open especially for us. I was so relaxed I didn’t even notice when Jin told me it was time to go, so when JK lifted me up and started walking, I honestly had no clue what was happening until he put me into the SUV and explained we were going home now. Unfortunately, I get extremely car sick and since I had barely touched the food, and my anxiety was back, having seen Joon get into the front of the SUV with Yoongi, but not even look back at me, I was not doing well about five minutes after we started driving. I was focusing on anything that would prevent me from throwing up in that vehicle and when I say it was a difficult time, I mean it. I couldn’t tell you what was said or what they laughed about, but I can tell you we went through eight stop lights, two stop signs, and one roundabout to make it home.

As soon as we arrived, Jin saw my face and asked if I was ok, so I shook my head and mimicked someone throwing up, which he instantly understood, so JK ran with me to the closest bathroom and luckily, I made it in time, but when I say it was super embarrassing to barf in front of BTS, what I mean is it was embarrassing to barf with JK holding my hair and Jin wiping my face with a cloth, while Tae rubbed my back. I didn’t have much to throw up, so when I finished, I let Jin wipe my face, then fell backwards onto JK, so weak I couldn’t sit up anymore, knowing he would hold me until I was ready. I was shaking bad, which Jin saw, and held tightly onto my good hand, while Tae made sure my hair stayed off my face.

After a few minutes, Jin gave me some mouth wash, so I could rinse my mouth, which helped me feel better and I gave him a half smile, which made him cheer. I sat for about fifteen minutes before I could finally move, so then they all helped me stand, but I was so shaky it became instantly obvious that I would not be doing any walking on my own for the rest of the evening. They were just trying to decide how to help me get ready for bed without letting me fall when Joon appeared, saw me looking absolutely terrible, being held by JK and knew this was his redeeming moment. He told the others he could handle it from here, which shocked and terrified me, but I had no option because I could not fight him on my own- not tonight. JK quickly handed me over to Joon, who left the bathroom and walked down the hall to the room with my suitcase, sitting me down on the floor near it, leaning me on the bed frame.

“I know you must hate me and wonder what has been going on with me. You might also think you did something wrong. Please, if you will trust me and let me explain, I want to help you get ready for bed, then tell you everything and make you understand. Would that be ok?” he asked, looking into my eyes, asking for permission to be kind to me again. I was so confused and weak that I couldn’t argue, so I just nodded, then got my pjs from the suitcase and waited for his next move, since I had no idea what he had planned.

I should have known he would involve Yoongi, who appeared out of nowhere, his bowl of oranges ready, smiling at me, the sleep mask already on his forehead, ready for his nightly duty. Joon carried me into this bathroom and set me down, then exited and said he would be back when I needed him. I quickly showered, not needing Yoongi for anything other than the annoying brace and sling, then when I was dressed, he helped me put them back on and made sure I took some pain meds, since my head was pounding and I felt dizzy again. Before he left, Yoongi whispered, “I’ll be waiting to see how you react when you find out the truth.” Then he winked at me and happily walked out the door, leaving me completely perplexed. Joon appeared a few seconds later, helped me brush my teeth, then carried me to the bed and set me on the edge, facing him.

He took my good hand in his and said, “I need to apologize a thousand times for how I have acted towards you, but I don’t know the right words. I am not angry. I do not hate you. You have done nothing wrong. I thought that if I was near you, it would hurt you more, but I can see that I was mistaken. I know I caused you to get upset tonight. You didn’t deserve my behavior towards you. I cannot take back what I did, but I can change how I treat you starting now. I know you understand how powerful words are, so will you please allow me to show you something I have been working on, that’s just for you? Please will you let me to keep you safe and protect you just one more time, so I can earn your trust back?”

I saw the pain in his eyes this time and knew I just had to give him another chance because I could not ignore how he makes me feel, even when I think he hates me. I nodded, then stood up, attempting to walk out the door on my own, promptly fell to the floor, but got caught before I could hurt myself any further, thank goodness. “Can you please stop trying to get more hurt? I cannot do my job if you make things this hard for me,” Joon told me, looking right into my eyes, clearly concerned for my safety. I just nodded, then didn’t protest when he picked me up and carried me down the hall and downstairs, then set me in a chair next to Yoong, who was clearly in on it.

Joon knelt down in front of me and said, “Yoongi helped me prepare something for you and I just need you to know every word is true, every emotion is real, and I have been so dumb to not share myself with you because I was too afraid of hurting you again.” A song began playing, this time with words in English for me, and as I listened, Joon mouthed the words to me, singing from his heart, holding my good hand, needing me to understand things he could only express in his song.

When it finished, Yoongi quickly escaped, saying something about giving us space, then we were alone, me staring at Joon, him staring back at me, neither one of us speaking for a few minutes. “Did you write those lyrics yourself?” I asked quietly. He nodded. “Did you mean what you sang?” He nodded again. “Why couldn’t you just tell me the truth?” I asked.

He sighed and replied, “I was a fool for thinking that I should stay away from you to avoid causing you more pain when my absence actually caused more than I could have ever imagined. For that I will always be sorry because you didn’t deserve it. When I first spoke to you, I knew there was something very unique about you, but I couldn’t explain it because I didn’t know you well enough yet. Then I saw you at the airport, you trusted me without question, and made me feel like I was the most important person in the world to you. We got along so well, but I knew every time I saw you smile or heard you laugh or saw you having a great time with the other members that I was developing strong feelings for you that I needed to ignore. I tried telling myself it didn’t matter, that you would be gone soon anyway, that you had fulfilled your purpose, that I would be fine without you, but then you held my shirt while you cried and wanted me to comfort you, even when I could not prevent the injury and it broke my heart. Knowing you have cried many tears because of me, knowing I have caused you physical pain, knowing you were in anguish because you thought I was avoiding you, knowing you thought I hated you, causes me extreme sadness and I simply cannot continue this way. Everyone gave me advice, but I knew in my heart the right thing to do was tell you the truth no matter what- you have to decide what happens now. In case you have any doubts still, I am here, in front of you, begging for your forgiveness, asking for a chance to be everything you need me to be while loving you with my whole heart.”

To say I was stunned would be an understatement. His eyes were wet with his tears, matched with my own that had fallen during his very heartfelt speech, so for a moment there was no sound, just a silent moment exchanged between us, perhaps a realization that we both needed to accept the situation and assess what to do, I’m not sure.

I took a shaky breath and whispered, “Joon, that was a lot for me to hear all at once and I am overwhelmed right now, but I do understand what you mean. I think you need to hear the song I wrote for Tae because it is mostly about you, but nobody knows it.” I didn’t expect his response, “Oh, I have already heard it, which is how I knew I needed to tell you the truth right away- nobody who writes such sweet songs like that can ignore their feelings either.”

I felt my cheeks start to burn, knowing that the song was very romantic and spoke about loving someone who didn’t know and might never find out because the singer was too afraid to tell the person. He did not get upset, just wiped my tears and waited patiently for me to decide when I was ready to answer him. “So you know I wrote the lyrics, and you know why I wrote them, but you aren’t mad at me?” I finally asked, tilting my head slightly down, so my long wild hair would cover my face and hide me.

He did not fall for my trick, just tucked my hair behind my ears and lifted my chin up to look into his eyes, then replied, “Yes, I knew you wrote the song and after I heard the words, I knew why you did, so how in the world could I be mad at that? Someone who genuinely cares for others, who makes a great effort to get to know them, earn their trust, and become trustworthy friends does not deserve any anger for expressing their true feelings for someone they have fallen in love with. It is not your fault I have been a terrible person the past couple of days and couldn’t see how much your heart was hurting when I thought I was helping you stay safe. The only thing I did was act selfishly and it was not your fault.”

I stared into his eyes, noticing how passionate he had become, clearly needing me to accept his apology, even though I was no longer angry or upset with him, but I was still worried, so I bit my lip and stayed silent. He brought my good hand up to his forehead, held it there for second, then kissed my hand and said, “How am I supposed to survive when you look at me like that and expect me to remain calm?” I didn’t understand, so I asked, “What do you mean?” This was apparently the wrong thing to ask, while also popping my lip out because the next thing I know, he was holding both my cheeks and kissing me, to my total surprise. I did not see it coming and was not prepared, so the shock in my eyes was real when he leaned his forehead on mine and said, “I have wanted to do that since the first day I saw you in person and I’m so glad I can finally show you how much I truly care.”

I did not understand; how could he have wanted to kiss me when we only met a few days ago, so I asked, “What do you mean?” He chuckled and replied, “Do you remember when you were holding my hand at the airport and then we got in the elevator, where you put your head on my back because you were overwhelmed?” I nodded, still blushing from his touch, so he continued, “I had this thought that I wanted to turn around and kiss you right there, in the elevator, no matter who was watching, for some unknown reason. Then when we got to the SUV and you tripped, I knew I was in trouble- I found you so attractive it was hard to focus on anything else.” I could not believe this was happening- how in the world could this be my actual life right now?

He saw my surprised face and laughed, knowing I was now running back through all the time we had spent together, trying to figure out if he had just been acting friendly, or something more, which I was apparently clueless about. He pulled me up in front of him and carefully wrapped me in a hug, making sure not to hurt my arm, then buried his face in my hair and said, “I hope you can give me a chance to love you like you deserve.” I was so shocked still, that I kept my face hidden in his neck for as long as possible, hoping to never have to reveal my burning cheeks and let him know the effect he obviously had on me.

A few minutes later, I was starting to wobble, so he smiled and said, “I think you have had enough emotional stress for one night. Let’s get you settled and start fresh tomorrow, ok?” I nodded, then replied, “Joon, I love that you can tell when I am overwhelmed and need a break. That’s one major thing I find very attractive about you.”

It was his turn to blush now, which I enjoyed immensely. He helped me walk up the stairs and down the hall, then got me covered with a blanket and climbed in next to me, not saying anything, just waiting for me to decide if I wanted a cuddle or not. I was afraid of hurting my arm, but figured it was worth the risk, so I slide next to his side, feeling like I belonged there all along and was asleep shortly after. Joon lay awake for a while, however, trying to figure out how he could keep us a secret while on tour for the coming year when all he wanted to do was shout from the rooftops that he had found someone to love.

Yoongi wandered in at some point, asked how things had gone, saw me asleep next to Joon, and gave Joon a big smile- he was so happy we had finally worked things out! The next morning, I was still next to Joon, but Jin was on the other side this time, peacefully sleeping. I tried not to wake either of them, but as soon as I moved my hand away from his chest, where I had been clutching his shirt, Joon opened his eyes and smiled at me. “Why is it that when you are next to me, I get the best sleep of my life?” he whispered. I gave him a shy smile and just blinked, not ready for words yet. He laughed quietly and got up, then helped me and wrapped me in a hug, whispering, “This is what I promised to do- keep you safe and protected, which includes your heart. Thank you for giving me a second chance.”