I thought being anonymous would be a great thing- nobody would be able to stalk me or gossip or ruin my life in any possible way. What I didn’t realize was that it would be difficult when actual, genuinely kind people wanted to contact me. Sigh. Anyway, I can get emails that are sent to a private email account, so I tried to monitor it as often as possible. I began seeing emails from the same exact person multiple times a day, always asking for details about one story or another, or sharing their opinions, which I found rather entertaining. I finally decided to email this person back and we started chatting directly to each other.
After about a week, I trusted them enough, so we exchanged phone numbers and began talking all the time. Then another week went by, and they wanted to talk with video… I was extremely nervous because I did not want anyone to know who I was or what I actually looked like. They assured me that it would be worse for them if anyone found out who they were, but I couldn’t understand why yet. After a few more days of talking, I reluctantly agreed to accept a video call and show them my face, but only if they promised not to record anything or involve anyone else.
They called; I answered, turned on my video, then waited for them to do the same. I was not shocked when I recognized the face that matched the voice I had been talking to for several weeks. He seemed surprised that I was not panicking or freaking out in any way- I just accepted him for himself and didn’t care about anything else. He was soon laughing and smiling more than I ever thought possible, me just being myself and him just being able to feel free from the pressures of his everyday life.
“Yoongi, why do you think people judge others without getting to know them first?” I asked, frowning at the camera on my screen, waiting for his response and reaction. He was silent, then replied, “Emmi, I think it’s easier for some people to look at the surface without wondering what might be underneath. Like me and the other members are always being judged for the clothes we wear or the words we speak, without anyone asking why.” I nodded, accepting his words, then asking, “How can you guys even tell if someone is genuinely interested in helping you or being friends, or if they want to use you to become popular or rich?”
He sighed, then answered, “I wish I knew the answer to that. We struggle everyday with this exact situation because every time we trust a new person there is always a possibility of betrayal and what happens to one of us greatly effects the rest of us as well, so we are extra cautious.” I replied, “But you don’t worry about me, right? You know I am safe, for all of you?” He laughed and ran his fingers through his hair, then said, “Yes, Emmi, I know you are completely safe. You have proven multiple times that you can be trusted. Who else could take a phone call with multiple random other BTS members joining and not care or react at all? We all agree you are not someone we need to worry about.”
I clapped and smiled, happy to hear that they all trusted me, but extremely grateful I had earned Yoongi’s trust specifically, since he was the one who was my best friend. As more time passed, we began having much deeper conversations, which was both good and bad- good because we both had an outlet for our frustrations and celebrations without being judged by anyone, but bad because we were turning into more than just best friends, although neither one of us was willing to acknowledge it quite yet.
One day a random package arrived for me, but Yoongi had told me to open it only when we were video chatting, so I waited and when he said I could open it, I did. I pulled out a very large black hoodie and looked at him, waiting for an explanation. He was suddenly nervous, realizing maybe he should have sent a note or something, but it was too late now, so he quickly explained, “Remember when you said you wished you could get a hug from me on your tough days? Well, since I can’t be near you right now, I sent you one of my hoodies, so you can wear it and know I am thinking of you and will always be here to comfort you when things get difficult.”
I put it on, then realized it actually smelled like him, I assumed, so I replied, “Oh my goodness! It’s perfect! Thank you so much! Wait- did you make it smell like you so I could really pretend you were with me?? That is so sweet!! How did you know I would like it so much??” He nodded, then saw me with the hoodie on, covering almost my entire face, messing with the sleeves that were also way too long, and he just knew it was the perfect thing to send me. “You look adorable in my hoodie Emmi- I’m so glad I sent it! I hope you know how much I care about you when you wear it! I will hug you in person one day and you’ll see how much you mean to me!” he commented.
I tilted my head way back, we both laughed, then I used my sleeve-covered hands to adjust the hoodie so my eyes would be seen again, and said, “I love your hoodie! It makes me so happy! Now I gotta keep it safe until I can see you in person and give it back! I don’t want it to run out of your scent before I get to hug you in real life!” I smiled, then he said, “Just use it for emergencies and it’ll be fine, I’m sure.” We continued chatting, him being super happy about me loving his hoodie surprise, me being super surprised he wanted me to have something so personal to remind me of him.
More time passed and we shared even more of our lives with each other, I began calling him Yoonie, then Yu-Yu, which I accidentally had done one night when I was super tired and immediately apologized for, but he didn’t hate it and said it was fine, since it was just a nickname I used for him- nobody else got to know about it. One day, I came home from school and just knew it was going to be a rough night- my day had been terrible, I felt like a failure, none of my lessons went as planned, everything felt like it was going wrong, and I was not in the mood for anything except pretending like I had disappeared from the world.
Yoongi tried calling, but I ignored him, but sent a text telling him why I would not be video chatting that night. He was instantly worried and kept pestering me about answering his call- how could he help me if I didn’t tell him what was happening? I was really upset and crying by this point, which I did not want him to see, but he was extremely persistent and honestly very concerned, so I finally accepted his video call and the instant he heard my voice he knew something was wrong. I started telling him about my day, but he interrupted me to ask where his hoodie was. I stopped, surprised, then told him I only used it for emergencies. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then asked, “Sweetheart, isn’t crying considered an emergency?”
I hadn’t really thought about it, but now that he mentioned it, I guess it was, so I got up and brought the hoodie back to the call, then put it on and felt a tiny bit better. He started asking me about my day again but was very worried because I didn’t look good at all; super pale, dark circles under my eyes, raspy voice (of course), and after about an hour, I was laying down because my head hurt so badly. “Yu-Yu, I’m just going to listen to you while I rest for a minute, ok? Don’t be mad because I need a hug from my Yu-Yu.” He froze, then asked, “What did you just say?” I mumbled, “I need my Yu-Yu.” He just stared at the video for a second, completely shocked, but pleasantly surprised by my accidental confession.
He soon realized I would be falling asleep if he continued to talk and knew this would be the perfect time to reveal the song he had written about me, since there’s no way I would remember anything from this call. He got his guitar and began singing, me not understanding anything he was saying because he had purposely written it in Korean this time, which he was counting on, as the entire song was deeply personal and slightly embarrassing if I didn’t return the feelings. As he sang, Yoongi saw my eyes start blinking slowly and eventually close. Soon after, I was completely asleep, tears still on my cheeks, hoodie on, sleeves covering almost all of my fingers which were tucked under my chin. He watched for a few minutes, listening to me breathe, wondering how in the world he was going to tell me it wasn’t just friendship for him anymore- he had fallen in love with me…
As he suspected, the next day I didn’t remember anything about the video call and even though I was still sick, fever and cough, I tried my best to act like nothing unusual had happened. Thankfully, a school break was coming up, and Yoongi had convinced me to travel to Korea to visit him, even though I was extremely nervous. Soon it was November, and I was at the airport, ready for my long 12-hour flight. I was entering the plane, showing them my ticket, then was directed into the left section instead of the right, which confused me, because I had no idea why my seat was being changed last-minute. I was shown down the aisle by a super nice flight attendant, but then I tried to step over a small item someone had dropped while putting their carry on in the overhead bin…
I tripped, went flying forward, and would have landed on the floor if someone strong hadn’t caught me in time. “Oh, my goodness! I am so sorry! Thank you for catching me! I am so clumsy today!” I exclaimed, looking at the face of the person who had rescued me. He did not respond, but smiled, and after a few seconds of disbelief from me, I covered my mouth with my hands and whisper-shouted, “Yu-Yu!!! How are you here?!!??!” He looked shy all of a sudden, then ran his hand through his hair and replied, “I didn’t want you to have to fly across the ocean alone, so I surprised you. I hope it’s ok.” I threw my arms around his neck and whispered, “It’s more than ok-it’s amazing!! I am so excited!”
He carefully hugged me back, unsure of how to react in a crowded airplane situation, so I quickly let go and he pointed to the seat by the window for me, I stepped in, then he sat down next to me and I was literally bouncing in my seat as I silent-clapped and continued saying, “I cannot believe you are here with me! How is this even possible? What did I even do to deserve this? This is amazing! Yu-Yu, you are amazing!” He kept smiling at me, then told me to put the seatbelt on because I needed to be safe for take-off. I immediately calmed down and got serious, which he thought was hilarious, and once he was laughing, I could not resist. During take-off I reached for his hand, since I was feeling a bit nervous, and he squeezed it, giving me courage and reassurance, which I thought was super sweet.
Once we were in the air for a bit, we were allowed to unbuckle and he explained that because it’s a super long overnight flight, they serve food right away, then turn off the lights so passengers can sleep, which made sense to me. I refused the food though, worrying about getting sick on the flight and not being able to get to the bathroom fast enough. He was worried, but let it go, knowing I could eat once we landed, and focused on helping me get comfortable enough to sleep instead. I had brought his hoodie with me because it would help me sleep on the long flight, so he told me I should wear it while we talked and that way, whenever I did fall asleep, I would be super comfy already.
Once I was wearing it, he took one look at me and started quietly laughing, which confused me, so I turned to face him and whispered, “What is so funny?” My hands were invisible in the long sleeves, and the hood was halfway covering my face, so I had to tilt my head way back to even have a chance at seeing his response. He carefully pushed back the hood, then explained, “I forgot how adorable you look in my hoodie. I laughed because of the way you have to adjust your movements while wearing it is really cute. I didn’t realize it would be even more attractive in person.” He reached over to my left hand and gently found my fingers, then squeezed my hand and continued, “This is why I needed to take the long flight with you- spending extra time with you is worth it because seeing you and being able to interact with you in person is ten times better than any video call.”
I blushed and bit my bottom lip, then purposely leaned forward so the hood would cover my face again, hiding my embarrassment, or so I thought. Clearly, he wasn’t fooled though, because he leaned over and decided to pretend to reach for the window shade at that exact moment, then whispered, “It’s cute when you blush, so please don’t hide it from me. I’ve waited a long time to see it in person.” He tilted his head to look right at me, under the oversized hood, then grinned, shocking me. He laughed at my facial expression, sat back up, then pulled the hood completely off me, and attempted to smooth my wild hair. Just then, a flight attendant asked if we needed anything before the lights were turned off, but we didn’t, so that distraction was enough for me to calm myself down and be able to look at him again without being embarrassed.
I asked what we were going to do once we landed, since it would be very late at night in Korea, but he would not tell me anything- apparently, he had planned every single detail of my trip but would not share the details until we actually landed. I should have been annoyed, but I knew he wanted to include me in his life as much as possible while he could, so I trusted him and just agreed to whatever he said, which was nothing at all. It was now midnight my time, we were in the middle of the ocean with eight more hours of the flight left, and I was getting sleepy, but I wanted to stay awake to listen to Yoongi as long as possible. He saw me fading, my head resting on my arm, then his shoulder, my answers becoming softer and softer, until he realized I was not awake anymore.
He was going to recline the seat before I fell asleep, but once I was leaning on him, it was too tempting to keep me close, so he just let me sleep, while occasionally kissing the top of my head, or forehead, or hand, until he also eventually fell asleep. Six hours later, the lights began turning back on and he was woken up by the flight attendants warning him about breakfast being served in a while. He was no longer sitting up- both seats were reclined and somehow, I was lying next to him on my side, but we were both technically in my seat by the window. He had no memory of moving or anything else, yet somehow, he definitely had and as he assessed the situation, he wasn’t mad. I was still asleep, cuddled on his right side, his right arm around my shoulders, my right arm on his chest, clutching his shirt with my barely visible fingers sticking out of his hoodie sleeve.
He took a few minutes to just enjoy our cuddle, kissing my hair and forehead, but never my cheeks or lips- he wanted to save that for a better time when others weren’t watching. Eventually, he woke me up, my eyes opening slowly, looking around, unsure of everything around me, then seeing his face, taking a second to remember the previous night, then smiling as I reached up to touch his cheek and whisper, “Is it morning Yu-Yu?”
It was his turn to blush this time, not expecting my words to affect him so much, but then again, being extremely close to someone in real life is very different than seeing them on a video call. He smiled back, then carefully moved back to his seat, making sure he didn’t hurt me in the process- so thoughtful. Once we were sitting up again, I asked what the plan was after we landed, since it would be the middle of the night for us, but he still refused to answer, simply smiling again, then shaking his head and putting his finger to his lips. Sigh. I had to accept his answer, since it was his home country and he had a huge advantage over me.
Soon, they brought breakfast, but I had seen it coming and conveniently disappeared into the bathroom before they could get to me, purposely wanting to avoid any conversations about food on the flight with anyone (especially Yoongi). I brushed my teeth, put my wild hair in a ponytail, and made sure I washed my hands super slowly after flushing the toilet just to kill as much time as possible. It worked, because when I returned to my seat, the food had been moved to the next section, and I was free. Yoongi also did not have breakfast, but when he got up to let me into my seat, he wrapped me in a quick hug and whispered, “I know your trick and it might work on the plane, but it won’t work after we land.”
I pretended not to know what he was talking about, but when he raised his eyebrows and looked right at me, I knew I was caught. I shrugged and looked out the window- still nothing by darkness, so I changed the subject and attempted to distract him. Luckily, since we were still on a semi-crowded flight, he allowed the distraction, and we started talking like we always did. Soon, I was laughing, and he was smiling, so I thought everything was back to normal. He, however, has an excellent memory and was just giving me false hope.
Once we landed, he made us wait until every single other person had gotten off, explaining that he needed to make sure security was available, to protect both of us. He made me put the hood up, with a black beanie underneath to hide my hair (he helped me tuck it inside the hat), then a black mask for the bottom half of my face. Afterwards, you could not have recognized me at all- which was the entire goal. I also had to change into black pants and my black shoes. Mr. Lee, the bodyguard who protects all the BTS members, appeared and gave Yoongi an update or directions (I had no idea which) and then Mr. Lee wanted Yoongi to walk first, to meet the other security guards, while he waited with me, wanting me to walk behind Yoongi, but in front of himself.
I just followed where he pointed, down a secret tunnel, through two glass doors, into a small room I assumed was a checkpoint because they needed my passport to check for my identity, then they cleared me to visit officially, and we were guided down a flight of stairs, got my suitcase, then took an elevator to a parking area that seemed to be locked- there was a security guard with a toll booth not letting anyone in or out the garage doors.
When we were inside the SUV, me and Yoongi at the very back, two random guards in the middle seats, and Mr. Lee in front with the driver, we approached the toll booth, then he verified we were legit, and the garage door for exiting went up. Yoongi was explaining how they traveled a little differently than normal people for their own safety, so I had to be a part of the long process as well, since they didn’t want me to be involved in any rumors while I was here. We drove for about fifteen minutes when Yoongi noticed I was not doing well- I always got extremely carsick and the fact that I had not eaten anything in over twelve hours was not helping things at all. I was closing my eyes, trying to take deep breaths, and gripping the bottom of the hoodie with both hands so hard my knuckles were turning white. He was talking to me, asking me questions, but there was no way I was going to open my mouth- I was too afraid of vomiting in the car, and I was going to avoid that with my entire life’s purpose!
He saw how badly I was struggling, asked the driver to put the windows down, even though it was around one am, and once the fresh air started hitting my face, it definitely helped a little. I did not open my eyes, but whispered, “Thank you for the fresh air, Yu-Yu.” He was afraid to touch me, since he knew I was struggling, so he just patted my leg gently and replied, “We don’t have much longer to go, I promise.” I nodded and focused on the fresh air to survive the rest of the ride. Within half an hour we finally pulled into a driveway, then a garage, and the windows went up, everyone started getting out, and I was giving myself a pep talk about making it into the building safely. I was now dizzy, had a giant headache, and still felt nauseous, so when I stumbled out of the SUV, I lost my balance and would have hit the cement floor if one of the security guards had not caught me in time.
I thanked him, then leaned against the SUV side, breathing as slowly as possible, trying not to fall over. Yoongi was there as soon as he got out, then helped me walk into the building. Luckily, there was an elevator, but the motion of moving up was the final straw- I could not remain standing any longer and as soon as one of the guards entered the code and opened the door, Yoongi had to bring me straight to the nearest bathroom, where I promptly vomited everything that was left in my stomach, which wasn’t much, thank goodness.
I was super afraid he would be mad, but after seeing me so sick, he assured me there was no reason for anyone to be upset- it wasn’t my fault. Once I was done, he helped me use some mouth wash, then I was too dizzy to do anything except lay down on the bathroom tile floor, which felt amazing to me. When he returned with a water bottle, saw me looking absolutely miserable, that’s when he knew I was not going to be able to do anything he had planned for a few hours- I was just too sick. He helped me sit up, pulling me right in front of himself, then made sure I could drink some water before I collapsed on him, shaking from the effort.
He just held me, taking off the beanie hat so he could kiss my head and reassure me with whispers that he would take good care of me. After about twenty minutes, I felt well enough to look up and whisper, “Yu-Yu, I am so sorry for ruining your night. Please don’t be angry with me. I am a terrible person.” He saw how sick I was, then replied, “Honey, you don’t need to worry about anything except feeling better. I think we can both agree though, that you need to eat something. You haven’t been getting nutrients and now your body has no energy to use. Will you let me feed you something simple? Please?”
I started to shake my head, but he frowned, so I nodded instead, which made him smile and he helped me stand up, so we could walk to the main kitchen area. He helped me sit in one of the chairs at the table, then got to work on something, but since I was still feeling super dizzy, I quickly moved so I could just lie down on the floor, which felt much better and involved less spinning (from my perspective). After about half an hour, he brought some random food over to the table, set it down, then saw me on the floor, asleep, and had to decide what to do- either wake me up and force me to eat, or let me sleep and risk my health. He knew what the right choice was, but was reluctant to wake me, until he remembered all the fun activities he had planned, which would require us to leave the house and be able to walk… Yoongi gently woke me up, then helped me sit up, me being a complete noodle at this point, drowsy and not aware of my surroundings at all.
That’s when he realized I would not be able to sit at the table and eat on my own- unfortunately, so he changed his mind and lay me back down on the floor, then got up and moved all the food to the lower table in the living room, where he could sit and feed me without needing to sit in actual chairs. He came back to me, woke me up again, then solved the problem by picking me up and carrying me quickly over to the lower table, sitting me in front of himself, so he could feed me easily. I leaned my head on his chest, then looked around, trying to remember where I was and who I was with. He picked up the first bite and told me to open my mouth, so I obeyed and didn’t argue or ask any questions- I knew he really was just trying to help me. It was very effective and efficient- all I had to do was chew as he decided which bites I got, then he would give me sips of water occasionally when I needed them.
Luckily, he understood that I didn’t want to eat a lot because I was still afraid of vomiting again, so he didn’t force me to eat very much that time. When I shook my head, letting him know I was done, he laughed and carefully got out from behind me, so he could take the food off the table and put it away for later. While he was doing that, I lay down on the soft rug we had been sitting on, very sleepy all of a sudden and ready for another nap. When he got back, he just giggled to himself when he saw how I had fallen asleep, then carefully moved me to the couch, reached for a blanket, and joined me.
I have no idea how much time passed, or when I actually fell asleep, but sooner than I wanted the sun was beaming in from the windows, I heard birds outside, and Yoongi’s phone started making lots of noises. He groaned and reached for his phone, which he had set on the low table the night before, and accidentally rolled right off the couch, causing me to panic and make sure he was ok- he did not seem too upset though, so I giggled quietly and tried to hide my face. He sat up suddenly, exclaiming, “Ah! We need to get ready and go quickly! I forgot we had to be somewhere at 9am- it’s already 8:30! Good thing I had set the alarm already! Cuddling you makes me forget about time completely- I get too comfortable!” His face was almost level with mine, me staring right into his eyes, his face studying mine, and I was very shy at that moment, worrying about his comment.
He must have sensed my mood because he leaned forward, rested his forehead on mine, then whispered, “I meant that as a compliment sweetheart- it’s a good thing, trust me! But we really do need to get ready to go!” He stood up, then pulled me up, wrapped me in a hug, and quickly pulled me down the hallway where he had seen my suitcase the night before. I stood in front of my suitcase, my hands on my hips, then asked, “If you want me to dress properly, you need to tell me what we are actually doing. I think that’s only fair Yu-Yu, since you won’t tell me any other details. Please give me something at least!”
He laughed, came over and kissed my nose, then answered, “You can wear anything you want- it doesn’t matter, because we are going somewhere that involves lots of outfit changes and you won’t end up with your original outfit anyway. Also, don’t worry about your hair- they will do whatever they want anyway.” I was now extremely panicked, which he clearly saw on my face, but he knew exactly what to do- squeeze me into a hug and whisper, “Trust me, you’ll be fine! Just promise to give me a chance to make today amazing!” I took a deep breath, then nodded, so he let go and ran down the hall, to get dressed himself, I assumed. I sighed, got out a random shirt and pair of pants, then went into the bathroom to change and brush my teeth. In less than ten minutes we were ready to go, so Yoongi took my hand and led me to the door, grabbed our shoes on the way, then led me to the garage where his car was waiting.
I was shocked that he was allowed to drive, but he told me it wasn’t anything special, so nobody would be expecting him to arrive at the location where we were going, so no media would be watching, and we could pretty much just be normal. After we left, him driving, me in the passenger seat, he made a quick stop at a local coffee shop and picked up eight drinks, which made me instantly suspicious, since there were obviously only two of us in the car currently… He already knew I would want an iced chai, not coffee, so I was impressed when he handed it to me, smiled, then just continued driving, like it was a normal activity. I was so surprised I could only stare at him in return, causing him to laugh.
We reached a building covered in glass windows shortly after, driving up to the parking area, where he rolled down the window, scanned something, then waited for the garage to open, so we could enter. He drove into the underground parking structure, appeared to know exactly where to park (even though the spaces weren’t marked and all looked the same to me), then backed into the space and turned off the car. He told me to wait, then came around the car, helped me out, and helped me carry one of the drink holders with four drinks, while he had the other four drinks. I followed him carefully, afraid to drop something, still not knowing who they were even for. We went up to a giant set of doors, he scanned the same thing again, then we entered the building, and Yoongi led me to an elevator, where he scanned his card again. I was impressed by the security of this place and asked what he had been scanning- he told me each member had a special access card that allowed them to enter and exit safely while tracking when they were here, which kept them safe and helped the company handle media rumors.
We took the elevator to the tenth floor, then he led me down the hallway to the right of the elevator, where he scanned his card a final time to enter a set of double doors that led to an office area, at least that’s what the front area looked like. There was nobody there, although there was clearly a reception desk, waiting area, and a couple offices off the main area. He continued down a smaller hallway, obviously knowing exactly where we were headed, then turned to the left suddenly and motioned me to follow him. He held the small glass door open and then exclaimed, “Here we are!”
I stayed right behind him, completely overwhelmed, as six giant guys rushed over and began speaking rapidly to Yoongi, seeming to ignore me, until my drinks had been removed by one of them and a different one picked me to spin me around while cheering wildly. I could only wrap my arms around his neck and hold on for dear life, since this particular guy was extremely tall and strong- like a body builder. When he set me down, I wobbled because I was dizzy now, but he didn’t let go once he saw me being unsteady and started talking to me, “Hey! You are nice to meet! I can see how happy you are! We can be great friends!” I could sense his excitement and happiness, so I smiled as I looked up into his very energetic face, wondering how in the world I was going to survive his spinning greetings the rest of my trip.
Luckily, Yoongi stepped in and explained, “Emmi, this is JK and as you can tell, he is very energetic and strong, so he takes a while to get used to. Let me introduce you to the rest of the guys now. They will be calmer, I promise.” I nodded, then took Yoongi’s hand, JK now holding my other one, as Yoongi pulled me across the room. He pointed to all the other members, Jin, Hobi, Jimin, Tae, and Joon, then told them my name.
I tried to wave, but both of my hands were being held, so I could only nod my head at each of them and smile. Yoongi let go then, handed me the chai, and JK took that as a sign to pull me over to Tae, where he sat me down, right in between them. I felt so small between the two strongest members, and kept looking back and forth, from Tae to JK, as everyone had a conversation about something, and kept looking at me, then continuing to chat.
